Thursday, 27 October 2016

Donald Trump's Star Gets Busted

This is why we can't have nice things. First you have to suspend believe that Trump is a TV star. Why does he have a star on the walk of fame? .... yeah he had a hit TV show .... a reality show but he paid for it the star, cos he isn't a star. $30,000 is the price tag BTW.

In my day being a star meant a level of fame and a certain amount of ability but he shouts, has funny hair and has a catchphrase .... that's it.  

Some bloke put on a hi-vis vest and took a sledgehammer to Donald Trump's star. It was caught on camera and he said it was for all those women (14 so far) that say that Trump sexually assaulted them in some manner going back to the 80's. 

Those 14 do not include Ivana Trump who while testifying during their divorce hearing in 1992 said that Donald forced her to have sex with him. This story came out in 1993 and Donald replied that you can't rape a spouse.
So yeah, a history of disrespecting bitches dames broads.  

As far as I know Trump hasn't embraced the doctrine of the Nazi party. Sure he keeps a signed copy of Mein Kampf in every room of his house but he says he just likes looking at the pictures in it, they are fun and tremendous. 

 Hitler the eternal joker ... the Jews just didn't get his humour oy vey. 

Just because you don't denounce hate groups that give you support and endorsements doesn't mean you agree with them, it just means yer a cunt so get off his fucken back.  

At least he is supporting American jobs for a change by giving whoever cleans up his dirty star something to do. 

When a miniature wall was put around his star it did keep miniature Mexicans out. 

Donald has asked for his replacement star to look like a normal star, like a deputy's star. He also wants to take over use up other spaces and make his star bigger as he is even more famous now.  

Other people have displeased the crazies too. John Lennon's star gets written on but they are usually positive messages and nothing at all about his wife beating. 
Hugh Laurie the actor, writer, director, musician, singer, comedian, and author who has had a 35 year career and several hit TV shows just got his star. I bet he didn't have to pay for it but how the fuck did Trump get a star before him? Probably cos he's a Brit though he has a better American accent than Trump does. 

 House aired in 2004, was intelligent and entertaining and The Apprentice aired in 2005 and was a reality show .... bleh.  
 Laurie got 2 Golden Globes, 2 SAG awards, is in the 2011 Guinness book of records for the most watched leading man on television and Trump says "yer fired". He got it in 2007 for fucks sakes. 

Other totally guilty alleged sexual predators have had their star desecrated.  Serial groper Schwarzenegger and tax evader Snipes have stars too. The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce have said that once you have a star you are a part of Hollywood and will stay. 
Kevin Bacon could stand on 5th street and shoot someone and they'd still keep his star. Not that he would. Kev only shoots people during the annual hobo hunts for charity that the Clinton's run on their estate.

Some guilty as fuck innocent sexual predators have statues made for them. Woody Allen's statue has had the sign 'I am a pedo' hung round it's neck. What is more scary as a statue going around touching up kids?... a clown? fuck off! 
Allen's statue must be a Golem made from Jew magic or something. For the record I love the Jews so since they are probably in charge of Blogger please don't shut me doon.  

Hitler loved them too but "experts" say he might of have Aspergers and just didn't understand social cues that well. Of course David Duke is an expert on Hitler, he knows everything about him.

Trump has had his honorary degree from a Scottish university taken from him after thousands signed a petition. He has also had an honorary street sign removed in Chicago after a council meeting voted to remove it. Guess he shouldn't compare Chicago to a war zone, the truth hurts dude. 

When Belfast had a Chicago Pizza Pie Factory in the 90's I got more than just pizza, I got a side of PTSD too. 

Jimmy Savile a national treasure (he used to be) and guilty sexual offender was stripped of his Honorary Freemen of the Borough of Scarborough title and had a road sign taken away too. His knighthood from the Queen is safe as is his papal knighthood even though the Archbishop of Westminster wrote to Rome to remove it in 2012. Considering the cunts that the Vatican turn into saints they might make Savile into one.  

Savile has had a statue in Glasgow removed and his name off plaques and buildings in his honour. Even the BBC removed his Desert island disc episode from their data base. Saying in 1985 how he ran dance halls to get girls takes on a whole new meaning now.   

Convicted glam rock pedo Gary Glitter had his brick removed from the Cavern Club and his cameo taken out of the Spice gurls movie, serious shit. 

The US also removes images of sexual predators too. Jerry Sandusky was removed from a mural and is no longer an ice-cream flavour .... ah it tastes like young boy. Joe Paterno who didn't deal with Sandusky had his statue removed. That's like removing Pope John Paul, Pope Ratzinger and Pope Francis from shit cos they allowed pedos to thrive too, oh c'mon, not their fucken problem and the children were asking for it. 

The US also removes Confederate flags and statues as they promote slavery and those that fought to keep it going.  

The ancient Egyptians destroyed statues and scored off names and faces from their hieroglyphics and the bloody Romans did it too. It was called 'damnatio memoriae' the damnation of the memory. 

Too little too late unless the creep is alive to see it. I hope Trump is enjoying it. The destruction and white wash will help those effected by the creeps. 
Who wants to see a sexual predator awarded honours and election the leader of the US? .... besides deplorable arseholes that only care about themselves that is. 


Tuesday, 25 October 2016

How To Build An Empire

Everbody keeps asking me, 'Old Knudsen, how do you build an Empire' and I tells them, hard werk, lies and oppression.

The Romans had an Empire, the British had one too. You go to other cuntries, fuck them up, get whatever resources they have and then when they get sick of it or your power starts to slip you get the fuck out. Or like Obama you say you are getting out but keep some troops there and when times are better you increase the number.

You don't talk about the increase so people only remember you going on about bringing them home.   

And since WWII they've always lost. 

Like the Achaemenid Persian Empire, the Roman Empire,the Caliphate the Mongol Empire the Spanish, the Portuguese etc the British had their time and ruled most of the werld. Their grasp slips and then it's over. 

It can be a person keeping it together such as Alexander or even Cromwell but as soon as they die all chaos breaks loose and weaker less powerful people try to fill those shoes. Or with Rome they were attacked at their heart with most of their army elsewhere. With the British it took WWI and WWII to weaken us to the point that we couldn't afford colonies or to fight off any opposition.  

Some Empires can be built by religious fanatics who put the non-believers to the sword. Ideology is the main reason for attack and conquest. If you don't have religion separating you then go for politics. Barney the purple dinosaur promoted sharing and Communism and where is he now? 

You set up a friendly ruler or overthrow  a not so friendly one. The Arab spring uprisings wasn't about freedom it was about setting up chaos. When you have chaos a friendly super power will kindly offer to help you maintain power by arming yer group with a few stipulations like setting up bases and having drilling rights etc. 

Haftar was in exile in Virginia for 20 years but the CIA helped him get back to Libya. 

In Libya NATO backed forces overthrew Gaddafi in 2011. Hundreds of rival militia groups popped up as did the Islamic extremists. The US with its CIA presence tried to install a friendly legitimate government which would really be a puppet dictatorship to free up frozen Libyan billions held in foreign banks as well as drilling rights. 
A powerful general Khalifa Haftar seized several oil ports which kinda fucked up American plans somewhat. I'm sure he'll be assassinated in the name of freedom. 

The US backed dictator government in Yemen failed and that forced the US to go into Somalia as a consolation prize. The US also backs the Neo-Nazi government of Ukraine solely on the grounds of being anti-Russian. 

War has become the biggest product of the US, it has the largest military in the world which is why it doesn't look after its poor, old and vulnerable at home, better things to do. The American Empire is modern and flexible, coming and going, cutting its loses when Iran or Russia gets involved. Like a bully scared off by another bully. 

It suits the US to have chaos in the Middle East. It also suits the US to use drones and bombs because boots on the ground warfare can become very unpopular and fast. Be at war but not call it war, have an Empire but not call it one .... with Americans it's all about the optics. 

Experts on warfare know that if you invade a cuntry you'll create a resistance and make more enemies and yet the US and coalition forces do this constantly. War against terrorists is becoming the norm. A generation will grow not knowing anything else. 

You have to keep the war going. The Troubles in Northern Ireland got serious when the invading British committed a few atrocities thus swelling the ranks of the previously unpopular IRA. 30 odd years later it ended but 40 odd years on and people are still getting killed but you can't call it terrorism ... the optics you see. 

Is that how long the Bush started wars of terror will go on for? Are you ready for another 30 odd years of this? The US and the UK have made some pretty sweet arms deals, it's good money. 

Again with the optics, keep the people in fear of the enemy so they won't question why there were 20 odd CIA operatives in Benghazi ... they just were.... um for security and backup cos the CIA are known for that.  
Those Muslims are out to get us, even the refugees are terrorists. Grow some balls for fucks sake. The amount of times I'm told I'm swallowing media and government lies all the while these people live in fear of losing their guns and fear refugees enough to pretend to care about homeless veterans. 

In WWII it was loose lips sink ships. There were public information films on how to look out for German spies pretending to be British. In the 80's it was Soviet sleeper cells and now it's terrorists disguised as refugees.  

Did everyone always jump at their own shadows or are people these days just weeping pussies? When you are afraid things like Brexit happens. It says a lot that the brave Scottish and Irish didn't vote for it. The places where you can still get fucked up by thugs with their bare hands or a piece of glass ... guns are for the weak.

These paranoid fear fucks should fear their own government that kills far more Americans every year than any terrorist does. 

The first rule of Empire building in the 21st century .... never say the 'E' word.  

Monday, 24 October 2016

Surviving On The Edge

Survival is something most people never think about. They are too focused on getting a caffeine fix and having an Interweb connection but out in the real werld and for those living on the edge sometimes it's a matter of life and death, or at least life and a nasty rash.

For a while I taught survival classes, mostly for yuppies and the odd guppy or office team building exercises putting people through hell so they aren't so cuntish at the water cooler at werk.  Sometimes all the office staff needed to bond as a team was the accidental deaths of their supervisors. Those courses gave me great Yelp reviews .... though they were tragic obviously.  

Don't listen to preppers, why have a bug out bag? Why not have a salted nut or selection of chocolates out bag? If they want to eat bugs then good for them I don't judge .... but they are all morons who will die in the first week. 

The three main things in survival are shelter, water and food in that order. The shelter will protect you from the elements and it's amazing what the perfect couch or trendy black bookcase will do for morale. Stay away from flat packs, when yer shivering out in the wastes of Siberia or Hemet the last thing you need is to be figuring out directions in Swedish.... aye sure they are printed in English too but you never find that part until yer halfway through.

I knew a man that went for horizontal blinds when lost in British Columbia, needless to say that didn't end well. You have to be smart for fucks sake.

Water is essential as what would life be without tea? You can go hours without coffee but not without tea ... I just don't want to think about that.
Don't listen to so-called American experts with their iced tea. I'm not saying yon Black Hawk down incident in Somalia that left 18 Yanks dead wouldn't have happened if they had been given proper tea-bags but it wouldn't. Fucken Clinton huh, knew nothing about war.  The only Cubans he messed with smelled like minge.

Food is the last issue. You can go 3 weeks without snacks if you had to. A little known fact about famine is that it could be averted with a crate of rice crispy snacks but big Pharma and the Jewish run Illuminati want the werld in a state of chaos. Oh I hope I didn't sound anti-Semitic, the Jews are wonderful people except when they kill deities, chop bits of their willies and eat matzo balls whatever the fuck they are but I cross my legs just thinking about it.    

This is a shelter I made in the woods near by Hillary Clinton's home in the Hamptons. It was a very rudimentary dwelling with only one wall socket per room but the under cabinet lighting gave it ambiance and a classy look. I just got done making an infinity pool with willow branches, I am one with nature.

She didn't know I was there for just under 6 months. If she hadn't beefed up her security and got those attack dogs I could have been watching her undress for years.  Fuck those dogs were fast ... and silent.

In survival, communication is very important. You need to be able signal passing planes and update yer FaceBook status etc at a moments notice. When yer at a cafe that has free Wi Fi make sure to fill yer pockets with it. I know, yer pockets are already full of salt and sugar packets but status update can be the difference between life and virtual death.   

If a man is lost in the woods and he can't blog about it then does he even exist? How will the NSA track him?

For a quick rescue use the werds 'Obama, kill, bomb, Allah, fisting' and a black van or helicopter will pick you up in no time.... Just out my window I see a black hand pulling up, amazing!  

We take cat pictures for granted and often swear at people that post them but when you don't have cute wee Tiddles then you must adapt. Of course most big cats attack from behind so make sure you always face it and have yer spray bottle handy in case it tries to eat you. Common sense really.

Starting a fire can be difficult, if you don't have a lighter and a can of petrol at all times then maybe this is nature's way of culling out the weak.

 A typical savage. 

With yer pockets full of salt, sugar, ketchup and Wi Fi you have nothing to carry the water for yer tea ... carry condoms too. No not to carry water, what if you find a village full of sexy native weemen? Yes you must be responsible because they might not be used to yer strain of clap.

Way back in 1492 when I helped this guy called Colombo discover America I probably decimated 90% of the native population with my gonorrhea ... ach you live and lern.

People think poop holes are for pooping and buttsecs but if yer smart you can keep yer drugs a folding can opener and a pack of cards up there. Survival is much better when on drugs.  

 What was that Mr Twig? Yes 'perturbed' is a funny werd and does sound like a fart. 

Old Knudsen survived 4 years alone on an island once. If it wasn't for the LSD and the talking trees he would have gone mad. Turns out that it was really a peninsula named Florida, great hunting there, they have these tasty primates that dress like people but if you cut their faces off you can clearly see they are panda like looking apes. Some of them can mimic the human voice.          

If worried about a bulky survival bag merely insert items in under yer skin, the human body is amazing ... well mine is but you know that. This post may probably definitely save yer life someday.


Thursday, 20 October 2016

You Know As Much As Jon Snow

No no no, you have mansplaining all wrong, let me tell you how. 

We are told lies all the time. Dressed up as myths, religion and and even history. Things were so much better then, you could leave yer doors unlocked and children could play in the street. Wrong! you just knew fuck all and weren't informed.
On a random search 1976 -1977 four children were murdered in Oakland county Michigan. There were probably more but no one was ever caught for them and if you think black and brown kids get short media coverage now when they go missing compared to white kids just imagine what it was like then. John Wayne Gacy was even suspected as being the Babysitter killer at one point.

A rosy view of the past leads to the next generation being told how great it all was before the Internet and smarty phones came along .... of course they learn all this by fucken memes ... on the Internet.

   I said no more cat pictures!

The full moon has no effect on us.  We do not go crazy or get angry, we're just cunts all the time. People just notice a connection when the moon is full. Tides in our bodies? We are 75% water. Well the highest tides also happen during a new moon. There have been countless studies on the menstrual cycle, crimes stats and psychiatric visits but no conclusive evidence for moon madness. Just do crack if you want a valid reason to be an arsehole. 

Sugar rush? Again with the moon, people are cunts and children are just young cunts ... simples. There is no medical evidence to support a sugar rush. That right there has he reserving judgement on all the effects of Climate Change as these egg heads only know shit now, in 20 years they might all change that again.

NASA spent millions on a pen that werked in space while the Soviets used pencils. No! Astronauts are just cunts. 
NASA used pencils but a company named Fisher invented a pen which NASA then bought and used, even the Soviets bought these pens. NASA didn't invent teflon or velcro either but you knew that. 

I'm no saying I'd like to be her bike seat but ....    

You lose most of yer body heat from yer head. You do know that heat rises right? Well take off yer trousers and I guarantee you'll be just as cold.  
Peanuts ... sorry I have a lisp. Part of the Legolas family

Peanuts are a part of the Leguminosae family of peas and beans  .... and they are cunts! 

Fortune cookies look Chinese and sound Chinese but are actually an American invention which is why they are hollow, full of lies and leave a bad taste in yer mouth. Lucky numbers my arse. 

 kill me now 

Vitamin C does nothing for yer cold. Most vitamins do nothing in fact. Eat properly and you'll get all the nutrition you need. 

In London you are always only 6 feet away from a rat. Obviously this is a rough estimate as rats are not evenly spread out and Nigel Farage did go to help Trump lie to the American people leaving the likes of Boris to be yer rat.  

The moon is always rotating and so there is no permanent dark side, this is why we can see the alien bases now and then. 

When yer antivirus program clears the junk form yer phone it will often delete actual junk pictures by mistake. Always be sure to save these pics in another folder as I'm not sending them out again. 

People do not just use 10% of their brains, some people use even less. After a hair grooming accident in the 80's, Donald Trump had to have 83% of his brain tissue removed. He said that he felt tremendous and then went on to win 7 Tour De France races. Hillary only won 3 because she is sick and weak and probably lied about the third one.

 What cunt got us out at this time of night? 

Blame the cop shows. You do not have to wait 24 hours before filing a missing person report. You may have to wait until they finish their donuts though. 

The seasons are not caused by the Earth being closer to the sun cos the sun doesn't fucken move, nor is the sun colder during winter as NASA found out in 1972 ... a tragic loss. The reason for the seasons is Jesus. He died for yer sins ... cos yer a cunt.

Hanging weights from yer dick won't make it bigger (a friend told me) and may break the bone in yer cock known as the coccyx ... would I lie? 

Cracking yer knuckles doesn't give you arthritis, excessive wanking doesn't make you blind or give you hairy hands (extensive study was done on this) but watching too much TV (especially soaps, sport and reality shows) will give you square eyes. 

Now you've been informed you have no reason to be stupid. Unless you have a serious hair grooming accident that is.   

Wednesday, 19 October 2016

Hillary Loves Big Cock

I love a bit of rough, I just grab em by the balls. 

Hillary was caught bragging to another woman about how she goes up to a man she likes and just grabs their balls. "I always have mints in case I have to tongue a boy toy.  I can't help but kiss attractive men and when you're famous like me they let you."

She defended her words by saying the old person she was 11 years ago is not the old person she is today and besides it was just girl talk. 

When it was suggested that she couldn't satisfy Bill so how could she satisfy America? She said, "I can satisfy America all day long, I'll totally fuck this place good an hard. My cunt is huge, Bill loves it, look at my hands, you know what they say ... am I right, am I right? ... gaping void, you don't touch the sides."   

She then went on to explain how great her sex life was and Bill only messed with the intern because she herself had given up cigars. Bill didn't like her dripping on them with her love juice anyways. No one likes soggy cigars that taste like minge.

Hillary has long expressed a respect for the troops .... except the failures that died, got wounded or got caught. She has visited many military bases and has watched Saving Private Ryan on the big screen and feels as if she has served. 
As a girl she tried joining NASA but failed because you don't need sandwiches in space. She tried then to join the police but failed the psych evaluation (too unstable) so she became a lawyer. 
She recently caused mild outrage when she suggested reopening the 22 year old case of Susan Smith. Smith murdered her two children by putting her car into a lake with the kids in the back and blamed it on black car jackers. 
Hillary has demanded we find some black men and put them in prison instead of white middle class Smith ... truth? evidence? proof? whatever. Hillary has even put out reward posters for two black young males wearing hoodies.

While Secretary of State she was famous for her wild stripper parties. She would often go into the changing rooms unannounced just to get an eyeful and no one could do anything about it. Her employees have said how she'll cup their balls or just start kissing them. She's the boss so whatever. If she sees a hunk on a plane or anywhere else he is fair game for Hillary. They should be grateful and flattered.

While Hillary has never had a son, when around those who have she's mentioned what great bodies they had and how she'd totally date the fuck out of them. There's nothing wrong with it, it's all a part of her charm. She loves children so much and made sure to kiss Chelsea everyday as she was growing up. She still loves to kiss her. 

I think she is the kind of role model the US needs..... oh wait, it was him that did this pervy shit.  Feel free to continue to make excuses for him or by ignoring it or by just saying, "put her in jail" it saves on the thinking.     


Tuesday, 18 October 2016

The Build Up For 2020

Here is the future. Hillary will become President, there will be 4 long years of "put her in jail" and people will say how no president ever has had such insults .... it's because she's a woman obviously, something Old Knudsen can testify to ..... oh yeah.

US/Russia pressure is building and of course the lapdogs like the UK, Canada and those foreign speaking cuntries like France will get dragged into it all too. While fronts like Libya and Yemen get opened more we see a need for troops ready to strike anywhere. Fuck peace right.

In the dock yards around the world super carriers like HMS Queen Elizabeth are being built. They can carry 36 F35B stealth fighters and four Merlin helicopters,Chinooks and Apache gunships. This one will cost the taxpayer £6.2bn. It can carry 679 sailors and 900 Air crew and  Marines. A second carrier The Prince of Wales is also being built. A senior British naval officer couldn't contain his excitement and said the would add, "enormous punch to the capability the Royal Navy has got."    

The US have got 10 super carriers already in service. The USS Gerald R Ford is the very recent one. It will join the USS Dwight Eisenhower which is in the Middle East. The USS Enterprise will begin contsruction in 2018 and the USS John F. Kennedy will be ready 2020.

The US plan to spend $81.3bn and have 308 ships by 2020.  

China is replacing its Soviet era carriers and have 2 under construction. Russia whose plan to buy carriers off France fell through are planning to add 54 warships and 24 subs by 2020.

 Russia also has lots of inflatables to scare the shit out of the eye in the sky. 

So, 2020. Hillary's first term will be up but there will be a lot going on and plenty of momentum that will coast her through to the second term. You don't change leaders in the middle of might be the start of WWIII for fucks sake. 

Snooki from Jersey Shore will put up a tremendous campaign for the Republicans but she just won't win.   

Right now in the world the US are showing strength on the Ukraine border, in the waters of the South Pacific trying to stop Chinese expansion as well as reassuring Japan and South Korea that they will be there if lil Kim decides to nuke someone. Have a Snickers Kim, yer such a diva when yer hungry. 

 In the Middle East the usual bombing against Assad ISIS is going on. Poor Aleppo. What do you expect? Terrorists hide amongst civilians, that's why you can't use conventional weapons against them ... unless you don't care about the collateral damage. Hey blame yerself, you voted these psychopaths into power. But but the Obamas are sooo classy .... aye for psychopaths.

The West which is really the US telling everyone what to do with the approval of Saudi Arabia killed Gaddafi and brought chaos to Libya. The whole Benghazi thing was the US trying to guide the various factions on the ground without looking as if the US was in charge. Shit went pear shaped.

The thing to do there is to back up the Libyan government so order is established and drilling rights are sorted out. In Yemen the US failed to do that and now you've got factions with Iran involvement. Tehran has said it will help the Houthi rebels against UN forces anyway it can.

Yemen is an impoverished shite hole but it's of strategic importance. Having a US friendly dictator was working for us until the rebels kicked him out.   

Yes, the West are the bad guys. We back a ruler that treated the people like shit, when they rose up and Iran applauded then obviously they are the bad guys.          

Now there is a war that has been going on in Somalia for the past year. What? There's a war?

This year alone Obama has carried out air strikes in 7 cuntries and special ops in many more, where have you been?

In January al-Shabab killed 100 Kenyan troops and drove off with their gear, shit got serious. 2-3 hundred US troops including the trendy SEAL Team 6 have been working with African troops to fight al-Shabab which is an offshoot of that classic brand al-Qaida.

Somalia is important if say you'd been kicked out of Yemen so the strategy changes. The West has largely ignored butt fuck Africa and only get involved when there is no other choice.
This secret war in Somalia just isn't mentioned because you can't handle such knowledge so don't worry yer pretty little head about it. If any US troops get killed there I doubt you'll hear about it. You'll hear how some soldier got killed on some training mission no where near Somalia. Is Iraq still being used as a cover for that?
Yeah he was like backing up Iraqi forces, yeah that's right. 

Things are shaping up for 2020. The super carriers being built can get close enough to launch missiles or land troops and with the ever changing battle fronts (4 more, thanks Obama) that's a good thing for the military though the carriers will probably be out of date by the time they are built but you have to do something right?