Thursday 9 November 2006

I Mean That Most Sincerely


While on other peoples comments I was reminded of the uber politeness I received when I first started this Blog. I went onto a blog I happened across and read a post about child molesters/murderers, those fuckers put me into a K-fed rage, I want to smash and destroy, so I did indeed have something to say, I commented , you know me I called for summary execution in a vile and painful way, well I was polite about it as I usually am on my first encounter with new people.

A few days later I got a comment from the woman who owned the blog saying something like
" thankyou for stopping by and commenting on my blog, I found your blog to be very interesting" .
Old Knudsen though happy to get a comment at the time (his second one maybe) would of liked a little sincerity to it, I knew she wouldn't be back, my wit no doubt went over her head, that is my down fall, that and being thoroughly unlikable.

I compare those comments to the spam everyone gets.
"I was looking over your blog and I didn't find what I was looking for, you could make over £900 a month"
Its a polite handshake that says, "ok we're done, I may see you on the street and we'll nod and say hello but really that's it" .

Someone is bound to say,"what we can't even be polite to each other now?" theres always some smart arse, I'm saying be polite sure but there is a fine line between being polite and being insincere and smarmy just because you mouth the words doesn't mean them to be true, go to Japland for double meaning polite speak.

I have a very eclectic taste in blogs and I think my links list shows that. People write these blogs, sure most of them are total wankers again refer to my links list, some go for sexy, homespun, disgusting , intelligent, funny, insightful, surreal and how the fuck did they come up with that? fucking beautiful mind stuff that is, or a mix of all of these, you know who you are (yes Footeater you're sexy blog, sorry Dr Maroon you're sporty blog) I always try to remember its a person writing the post before I respond in a most inappropriate manner and that this is not some kind of business to get the most readers, perhaps my addiction to pain killers has robbed me of ambition but I just want to have some fun and meet some cool people, some day I hope to do both, and if this blog leads to a deletion for threatening to bounce keyboards off Blooper employees heads or a movie deal starring Hugh Jackman as Old knudsen the crusty Scottish Blogger burnt out and on the edge (no its not a ghey flick with that U2 fella) then so be it.
I am constantly amazed that people think about Old Knudsen and go to the trouble of clicking onto his blog, I am more amazed that they come back, if you have any suggestions or ideas for my blog then shove it up yer hole , thanks for taking the time to insult me in my comments.

Its been mentioned many times before but it bugs the hell out of me. You're standing peeing away in a public urinal or trough and the place is empty, another bloke comes in and stands right beside you and starts peeing, not 3 feet away not 2 feetaway but right beside you, whats worse is as you're standing there all vunerable to attack because both your hands have to hold steady your massive lad
or you'd soak the place like a trainee fireman, you glance at the guy with the look on yer face what the fuck man? and he smiles and nods a greeting at you before he starts to tinkle. Nothing ghey just very intrusive, whats going on in that man's head? I'll stand next to him to keep him company? I'm just being polite? ah a fellow brother of the snake perhaps I'll strike up a conversation with him.

Once when I was down in dirty Dublin in a little pub, it was during the day and only some fellow old men were in there drinking, it was quiet and I was just talking to my mate. I went for a piss like you do and one of the other old guys came in, he starting talking to me while I pissed, all polite where are you from talk and then held out his hand for me to shake it, so not wanting to offend the locals as I hear the Irish used to be cannibal head hunters until 40 years ago I got a firm grip of my ' bendidick Arnold' (just made that up for you yanks) with my left hand and shook the old guy's hand then I returned to my bussiness and shook my old lanyard, of course after shaking someone's hand I made sure I washed my hands manly or not I did it, the old guy must of thought I was posh or something, washing my hands indeed.

Heres a picture of Kate Beckinsale for the troops, shes no Gloria Hunniford but shes still a lovely looking lass.

I'm still getting searches for 'tits' on my shite meter , its from dirty foreigners now, but still I will put up breasts because (A) I like em and (B) what if a lonely soldier after a long day of killing Sand Savages needed a wank? I am there for you troops, if you don't put up breasts on your blog then the terrorists have won.

I haven't seen that Borat film yet, but from all the coverage I feel like I have, I did commit my first and not to be my last racial slur because of it. I was walking down the town with a mate, his name is Aaron you don't know the wee shite, he was born in a British military hospital in Germany and his tongue doesn't lift from the bottom of his mouth, I call him a freak show nazi but thats besides the point of what I'm talking about, anyway hes handy for carrying shopping, we were heading into Cooperfield market but the man in from of us with his wife and a million gypsy looking little kids were walking so slowly which in turn slowed us down , I had to get to the pound shop before all the cheap picture frames are gone, I'm giving everyone for Christmas a photo of me in a frame, I'm not sure if I should sign it or not or would that appear arrogant or something? anyway you fuckers aren't getting one, I'm not spending any more than £ 10.00 this year.
So I was behind this tribe, Aaron says he wants to go to the bodyshop to get his mam some soap that smells like pineapple. I looked at the fella ahead of me and he was a little bit swarthy with black hair and a big moustache, I said to Aaron, "we aren't going anywhere unless Borat here moves his fat Slavic arse", as soon as it came out I felt a little ashamed, mostly because fucking Borat didn't hear me or understand me and also if I had someone to back me up in a brawl instead of the freak show nazi I would of poked him in the back with my walking stick, maybe it was God teaching me tolerance, or maybe he was telling me that I need to get a cattle prod.


Nothing to do with anything except Old Knudsen's whims, here is Glynis Johns, the best of the two things that Wales ever had to offer, the second thing would be promiscuous sheep.


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26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hello, yes that's my real name. I yours is not. So there.
Coming from the period aka full stop.
And I also have a blog.

SzélsőFa said...

Insert the word 'bet' into 2nd sentence between 'I' and 'yours'.

Anonymous said...

Hello Old Knudsen. Thankyou for stopping by and commenting on my blog, I found your blog to be very interesting.

Dick Headley said...

Well it's still an unregulated medium OK, thank Unproven Entity, so folks will post all kinds of shite. Spam gets the boot from me but I like flippant comments. The tone of the post kinda determines the tone of the response I find. Something like that.

CrankyProf said...

Old Knudsen, your blog is a daily stop on the blog rounds. No one has quite the turn of phrase that you do!

Carry on with the pictures of the nekkid weemans!

Anonymous said...

You know, when we weeeman have to stand in long lines waiting for other weemen to finish their pissing, and we watch the men go straight into their vile room, we get cranky. Why do they get to go so fast? we say.

Well, thank you for reminding me why I'm happy to wait. I've never been asked to shake anyone's hand while peeing.

Anonymous said...

I had that cringing response to the hand shaking tale as well. Nasty. I'll take the long lines, but I do wish women wouldn't take their sweet time in the stall--it's not a party.

And there are few things as frustrating as having to trudge behind some huge family that takes up the entire sidewalk and walks at a snail's pace, Slavic or not. If only I had a walking stick.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and I suppose I'm the "homespun" one. The clean talker.

Anonymous said...

Hee hee.
Love the Spice Girls analogy, Old Man.
That would make you Sweary Spice.

And the Welsh?
Where would we be without potty-mouthed, bag-breasted, whisky-swilling, shouty pop tart Charlotte?
And the dainty theme tune to her show, "This is my fucking theme tune".
And her fabulously sweary put-downs of fellow Welsh tart Zeta-Jones?

Surely a Knudsen babe if ever there was one?

Rob7534 said...

I don't see what the big deal is about a guy standing next to you in an empty bathroom wanting to take a piss! We are social animals, even while draining the weasel!

You should hear the long drawn out conversations I have with any stranger in the next stall as I take a very mean and very long shit!

I plan on doing a movie review soon. This you must see!

The Dog of Freetown said...

I quite like ales.


Especially Yorkshire Terrier.

Old Knudsen said...

franci its about time I got a stalker,you can call me pepe le poo if you want, a rose by any other name still stinks etc, thankyou for taking the time to comment on my blog.

kav you fucker.

dhEven a diet of Jaffa cakes can get dull after a while.

cranyprof I have worked years outside of formal education to perfect my technic,
thankyou for validating my existance, for you and the troops I will carry on with the naked weemen though creatures of mere beauty may have clothes, I don't want my blog to get fucking tacty now.

sassy sundry men don't waste time by pulling down various layers of clothing, we whip it out and damn the consequences, hence the piss stained trousers.

roybn I had you pegged as sexy and disgusting but ok you can be homespun.

dive Charlotte has given me hope for young people, Zeta was nice in the darling buds of may but went hollywood and shagged the wrong old man, now shes a Hoorbag.

rob7534 not all of us are social animals as not all are hunter meat eaters (no double meaning intended)attacking a guy pissing is an accepted street fighting move.

kieran I believe your silence has made you insane or was it Dip Dops jokes?

sammy good point, its funny you never hear any bloke bragging about having a small willy, so many of us with big dongs.

Anonymous said...

Old Knudsen, I have to admit I have always wondered what went on in the gentlemens lavatories. It sounds like you do roughly the same thing as us ladies. Except we sit in cubicles and hear disembodied voices floating across the aether asking if we have any tampons going spare. I think we get off lightly....

Anonymous said...

old knudsen I'm with franci, you're an old faker go on tell everyone that your real name is Marion Blowhard, you love old men touching you in public restrooms.

Old Knudsen said...

auntie pauline I'm sure more goes on in men's restrooms than I really want to know about.

old knudsan I thought I had killed you last time we met, I will not make that mistake again, there can be only one or two.

Maven said...

Sporty blog, sexy blog... hmmm... if I had to pick one, I'd be Sociopathically Scatalogical Blog.

:)

Hehehe, standing right next to you at the urinal trough... did it occur to you that perhaps your personality is just too magnetic?

GOOD TIMES!!

Anonymous said...

I thought the urinal thing only happened to ME. It must be we are targets Old Balls whataya think???

Old Knudsen said...

nuggetmaven I do seem to attract loonies and pervs.

rich its a curse being a naturaly friendly person and a very attractive man.

Dick Headley said...

"I do seem to attract loonies and pervs."

Don't worry Knudsen. I like you too.

Anonymous said...

well, aren't we full of insight today. lol...

that generic 'thanks for stopping by' is the internets version of "its not you, it's me". But i suppose it is better then no comment at all. Lurkers piss me off. I want to know why people are in my blogosphere. I am nosey that way.

Kate is a goddess. I would do her.

Haven't seen the movie Borat! yet, but the zenformation had a rather funny review on it. So now i think i will rent it at the least. Not sure what your comment dohicky does to links.. but here's his if you want to read that review. http://zenformation.blogspot.com/
he's a funny guy, and the review isn't really anything telling of the movie. But there it is.

Old Knudsen said...

dh well that makes me feel better.

xmichra I think if you don't have anything to say then don't say anything, some posts are difficult to comment on if you don't have anything in common with the post or know nothing about it, I get silence from my bitter Northern Ireland posts which reminds me, I wrote another one, coming soon hahahahahahahahahaha.

Dick Headley said...

I wouldn't get too excited about it OK. Everybody over 30 is irrelevant.

Old Knudsen said...

I thought 29 was the cut off, college is the new high school, trousers used to be worn around the chest now they are around the lower buttocks and we try to fool ourselves by saying 40 is the new 30 and 50 the new 40, if I had a point I've lost it.

Dick Headley said...

Me too. It seemed like a clever thing to say. Like whoever it was (Jerry Rubin?) said never trust anyone over 30. Maybe I should have said never trust anybody who's not on Myspace. I'll shut up now. Nobody bloody listens anyway.

Maven said...

Hey, take a peek at this...

http://www.fresh99.com/images/funnyurinals/4.jpg

Anonymous said...

(B) what if a lonely soldier after a long day of killing Sand Savages needed a wank? I am there for you troops, if you don't put up breasts on your blog then the terrorists have won.


I am patriotic to a fault as I always have breasts on my blog. Now, this gives it meaning. Thanks for that. Now, if I can only get a lonely soldier...