Sunday 10 December 2006

Its Good To Talk.


Yes I'm ranting about cell phones again but I'm not going to mention the usual about people out in public talking loudly and wandering about aimlessly not noticing that they are getting in yer way at the shops as they discuss their boring routine with some other boring fucker, I have yet to hear an interesting 3rd person cell phone conversation.
I won't mention the young people sitting on a crowded noisy bus talking/yelling to other young people on cells on some other noisy bus .
I will mention at how fast food workers or shop assistants do their job or rather don't do it as they are hunched over a table that they should be clearing and are texting, or how they wander around the back of the shop chatting to their boyfriends, like smoke breaks do people now expect phone breaks ? swapping one addiction for the other, and if you smoke do you get both ?
It's a blackmail thing, if they don't get their addiction break then their work suffers, not enough to fire them but enough to be annoying.
I've gone into a shop and have waited for the assistant to stop talking in order to serve me, as I am bound by some archaic code of etiquette I am forced to wait until their conversation about hair straightening comes to an end, then I either get the customers are an annoyance and you were listening to me talking dirty attitude or I get the nothing happened attitude as that is perfectly acceptable behaviour.
Have you seen those walkie talkies ? the kids shout into them and then they beep. Why do you need that ? my old fat cell that I never use didn't have beeps and two people could speak at once so that leads me to the conclusion that they are posers and want attention, probably small willies too.
Weemen are annoying yaps on cells and don't care when or where they are when they talk. Men like to posture, they wear their cells on their hips like a gun fighter or a Batman utility belt , then there are the ear pieces that mostly men wear, is that a throw back to the Bionic man or the Borg ?
I did a earlier post about how music will be zapped straight into our heads, and to prove the point that everyone steals my ideas (the pocket pussy, 6 minute abs the Internet and many more) Doctor Who did an episode that had whole on-line news papers being downloaded into the people's heads via their Bluetooth thingys, its all very creepy to me, it seems people are too willing to give up their humanity these days.
Do you see the blank expressions that those speaking on cells have when they are out in public ? unaware of everything except their call, these people are life's natural victims, they have conditioned themselves to feel safe in an environment where they should know who is around them at all times, then they make their children dozy as well by making sure they have a phone because their friend does and god forbid your child should be thought of as a pauper because they don't have a phone, because poor people are scum and should be killed right ?

Silly wee shites, no doubt talking about Bros and The New Kids On The Block, what no homework to do ?

You do have phones that are just for emergencies and only have the 3 or 4 main numbers on them, why does your teen need to talk with her friends she just saw at school for 2 hours ? yes teens and 8 year olds have so much to talk about don't they ? I saw a kid about 8 on the cell discussing the difference between Taoism and Confucianism, "no!" said the lad, "we must transcend everyday life in order to find the Tao " , no wait maybe it was a discussion on why haven't they sent Spiderman to Iraq . I'll tell ya why ya stupid wee shites because hes a coward, putting on a mask and shooting his white sticky stuff all over people. If I did that (not saying I have ) I bet I'd be arrested and sent to a secure mental facility until I stopped being Spiderman, and maybe until I fooled them and became Batman who has no powers, and then maybe that's when I started wearing my cell phone and a pouch containing my combination pliers I know it would be considered a weapon by the peelers but if the Sikhs can wear a knife then I can wear me pliers, don't oppress me and my religion ya fuckers, your petty laws are nothing compared to the laws of God, and maybe I would also wear a mask and hide in the shadows and brood, I like to brood.

When the computer and phone lingo bcomes everyday speech the gap between the older generation
and the kids will get wider, manners will be a thing of the past, something to be mocked people will say 404 for clueless individuals like myself and all the terrible R U and U B spelling will be accepted in schools and Shakespeare will be performed in modern day grunts with gang signs and burberry baseball caps , on second thought that may very well improve Shakespeare what a load of over rated shite but it makes my point.
Phone sex, cyber sex I'll tell my grandkids how I used to stick my Willy into a woman's Wendy and they'll look at me with disgust, well ok my grandkids do that now when I tell them , I just like to talk about it, no more intercourse we will have interphasing or "I'd plug her in the USB socket and exchange data".

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Never before have so many people said so much and of so little of consequence.

My personal hate is supermarkets where someone on the phone is giving a guided tour to the person on the other end, "What sort of olives shall I get" "the baked beans are on offer this week, shall I get two tins?" or that white trash look of some fat loser in his 30s/40s who walks around with a bluetooth in his ear. Look at me! tossers

Anonymous said...

Don't get me started.

Anonymous said...

How very truthful and how very painful. When I got out of prison in 2003, that's one of the first thing I noticed. In 3 1/2 years time, everybody got a cell phone and were using them everywhere. And it wasn't just business execs rushing around anymore. Now, it's some lady who looks like she talking to herself while she shops. I said to my staff, look at her, she's daffy, huh? They said "No, she's just talking on the phone. She has a head set." A what? But those lil bastards get on my nerves and those that talk so loud you want to gouge your ears with a pen. I tell ya it's an awful state of affairs we're in here knudsen, you called that one right and I mean it!
The spider man thing got me all hot and bothered, wow!

Anonymous said...

I have a friend who calls me every time she boards a plane, and I'm pretty sure it's so she can look businessy and professional by having to have an important conversation. I feel so used. One of the best rules our local schools ever posted was a no-cell-phone rule. Although my kid keeps one tucked in her bag for when her clueless mother needs to pick her up and is late yet again.

Anonymous said...

Those blue tooth headsets are ridiculous. I think people have them so they can talk to themselves without looking like they are crazy.

Anonymous said...

I hate phones in general, but I really fucking hate mobiles. I only carry one because I am forced to. I must take a photo of mine. It's so shit, all it does is texts and phone calls. My sister told me I was really uncool because it has and orange screen and can't take photos or play music or surf t'internet.

Anonymous said...

That's almost the perfect mobile, Kav.
All you have to do to improve it is take out the battery and throw it away.

Anonymous said...

Wish I could dive, but my wife has this thing of wanting to be able to contact me when I'm on the road. Great post on the subject over at yours...couldn't agree more about the trains thing.

Anonymous said...

Damn right, Kav. I'm now going to suffer the three and a half hour commute home.
I may well kill people.

BEAST said...

For heavens sakes , what a miserable load of old scrotes.
I love my mobile , it is a thing of beauty , I can get drunk , take pictures of my nekkid ass and text it to friends and family alike.
Thats what I call progress !

Maven said...

I pine for the days of yore, back before cell phones and blackberries... when folks were out yammering on the streets, carrying on conversations in thin air... and we knew enough to avoid them as obvious sociopaths...

Anonymous said...

I will admit the ONE POSITIVE thing about my cell: I can set it to 'vibrate,' stick it in my front pocket, and call myself over and over.

Old Knudsen said...

mr frobisher I remember when phones were for phoning gurls and asking them what they were wearing, what are these wrong number things?

babsbitchin like a young lad about to have sex for the first time, phones exploded onto the market.

robyn let her live the dream, when I first got my cell I felt all important when it rang, ok it only rang once as no one ever called me.

sassy sundry the harder to see hands free kit was more difficult to see and I have punched many a man out for saying that he loves me.

crankyprof you talk to yourself and you're mad, you talk to a thing on yer ear or to god and its ok, donc bluetooth/teeth are god.

kav My family over 25 are mostly all troglodytes, a camera phone is like showing a mirror to savages for the first time.

dive your shameless advertising has been noted, if I ever learn how to do that people will be in trouble and the genius in my archives will come to life again, for the most I canna be bothered , 3 and a half hours ? knowing the UK that's for a journey of 10 miles, I forgot to mention the theme tunes people walk about playing like something that was badly taped off the radio, still I look around and say "what the fuck?"

Mr Beast evil has a name and it is beast, stop sending me those photos.

maven its you the signs are more difficult but those with Tourettes it can be a blessing, WANKER! sorry I was on my cell.

Old Knudsen said...

crankprof what if yer ma called you, would that be incest?

Anonymous said...

I havenever wanted, needed or had a cell phone. Sure, in an emergency you need to call for help. and if you travel a lot i could see needing one just incase. But where the hell does a teenager go that requires a cell??

Old Knudsen said...

Teens have so much to say "its not fair, I hate you, give me yer purse or I'll cut you, stop touching me mister" should be out working not talking about pimples and sex.

Maven said...

My family over 25 are mostly all troglodytes, a camera phone is like showing a mirror to savages for the first time.

I do believe this is the funniest line I've read all day... absolutely...

Anonymous said...

我没拥有一个电话, 它得到了由我的北美野牛践踏!
I have not had a telephone, it obtained has trampled by mine American bison!

Old Knudsen said...

maven is the prize for the funniest line of the day a cell phone? ah the bitter irony of it all, like bronzey but worse.

mu tai dong they do that you know very jealous creatures, hide remotes for TVs and any sex toys.

Old Knudsen said...

Unless you're daredevil, I feel sorry for those poor people that can't occupy themselves with things like um thoughts as they walk doon the street, so much they are missing and not just the traffic hurtling at them.

Jagd Kunst said...

We should replace everybodies iPiss with shotguns, i bet they won't even notice.

Anonymous said...

oh boy the cell phone thing... I was thinking of that this morning. A guy was in front of my building wandering around with a cell phone up to his face and for sure he walked right into me. How about the woman last year who drove rioght through a red light in her big old cadddy and nearly killed me... of course she was yapping on a cell phone and didn't care or did she even know what was going on.

Old Knudsen said...

the world is a dangerous place for all the wrong reasons.