Tuesday 13 February 2007

To Bug Or To Bugger? That Is The Question.





I had to go to the Doctors yesterday as I had a painful big boil on me back that I couldn't reach to pop.
I was sitting in the waiting room and over by the kids play area there was a TV with a film showing on it, so I went over and sat in the best seat available to watch it as it was in the corner up near the ceiling , it was one of them Disney pixar movies, I have before declared Disney to be whore masters trying to mold little gurls into being brainless beings whose sole aim in life is to find their prince and marry him. The Pixar films aren't too bad though, I had to tell some of the kids running around to "shut the fuck up and be quiet" kids today will cry at the drop of a hat have ya noticed that?
The film was called 'Its a bug's life' , now I like some realism with my films, talking animated insects or not they had better get it right , kids watch this and they're stupid enough, have you ever tried to have a conversation with a 4 year old? fucking idiots they are.

The only good bug is a dead bug.

So these Ants were running around to collect food to appease a big tough gang of Grasshoppers who would fuck them up if they didn't and they send out this ant named Flik to find warrior bugs to fight them , ripping off The Magnificent Seven who ripped off The Seven Samurai.
I'm no Entomologist no really I'm not but this guy Flik should have been a gurl, all Ants are female, a few males are grown to breed with but as soon as they bump uglies they only have enough time to ask "did you come?" to which the female being a right fucker says, "no but it was very nice" and then he dies.
Ants have 6 legs not 4 as the film suggested, why weren't all these different bugs eating each other? they seemed to only eat seeds and berries.
I liked the fact they made the Lady Bird, or Lady Bug to you Yanks a guy who had issues about being mistaken for a female because he was a Lady Bird, did you know those cute little Lady Birds are cannibals? not so cute now are they?

Not at all cute, I liked the original shape more.

The children's rhyme "Lady Bird Lady Bird fly away home" was included but they didn't finish it "yer house is on fire and yer children alone" a lovely rhyme to be sure, shows you what kind of parents Lady Birds are.
A fly mentioned that he only had 24 hours to live, I've heard that before so how come I get flies that live in my hoose for days then? those wee shites they annoy you by landing on you or yer food and when you grab a newspaper and roll it up they vanish, only to reappear when you've let yer guard doon.
Its amazing to think that flies have been annoying humans ever since we were battling dinosaurs 5,000 years ago.
It was a good film if you can get past some of these issues, I was able to watch it, have it rewind and get through half of it before I was called, then I must of got the worse Doctor ever, some brown chappie that took an instant dislike to me immediately I have no idea why anyone would. This quack took one look at my back and said it was a pimple. I said you stupid bugger you don't pimples at my age I want a second opinion so then he said "you're ugly too".

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

So if your a male ant, once you pop you stop - forever. thats harsh.

Old Knudsen said...

Its better to have loved and lost yadda yadda.

Frobisher said...

Im afraid that's the sort of thing we can expect from the NHS these days - your average GP earns over £100,000 per year

Anonymous said...

It is so not better to have loved and lost, no not at all, its far better to have loved and then take a gun and stick in his god damned mouth for leaving you with the words, hun I have something to tell you, my wife had a baby the day before your birthday.

The Mistress said...

Try a Flygun.

Scout said...

A Bug's Life is delightful because of Phyllis Diller, of course, or someone meant to sound like Phyllis Diller. I thought flies lived 72 hours?

Cheltenhamdailyphoto said...

I liked the old shape too Old K. Herbie was the best.

Sassy Sundry said...

Poor boy ants. They're a little like Praying Mantises (or however you spell it).

Those new VW Bugs are a crime against good taste.

Old Knudsen said...

dive remind me to kill you.

Mr Frobisher is that all? no wonder they don't care.

kate isis do you have some issues you'd like to talk about?

MJ I'll try a Flygun of ale, boy am I funny.

robyn 72? its getting worse, I really hate flies, working on a farm does that to you.

lynn I prefer my cars to do as they are told, I have fond memories of the old bugs, I can still picture the interior in my head.

sassy sundry it happens in the human world too but instead of a quick death, once the female gets what she wants she slowly kills us with scorn and nagging.

Anonymous said...

I own a 1962, rag top, cream colored bug.... oh wait... sounds like my twinky.. maybe I should reword that. Really I do own a vitange VW. I love the thing.

tony said...

No Fly's on Knudsen ........Perhaps you should change your name to "Lance"?

Anonymous said...

Actually I have something I'd like to yell about. But I'll do it in therapy like a normal psychotic. :)

M@ said...

Yeah, those flies are nettlesome. It is amazing to me that modern homo sapiens have only existed for 100-120k years or so but that a freshwater dolphin species that just went extinct in China lived for 30 MILLION years.

300 times as long as us....

Eddie Waring said...

Did they get any pus out of it? If you put your pus under your pillow the pus fairy will leave you a tenner. Maybe even a 20 spot if it is genital discharge.

FirstNations said...

if you keep it as irritated as you keep us, soon it'll turn into a geeeet big carbunkie and splode vast gouts of viscous phlegmy goo.
proof that the bacteria are taking over the earth one dirty old scotsman at a time.

Fat Sparrow said...

"a few males are grown to breed with but as soon as they bump uglies they only have enough time to ask "did you come?" to which the female being a right fucker says, "no but it was very nice" and then he dies."

If only it were that easy to get rid of men. They very rarely have the grace to die on their own. I have found that assistance is often necessary.

Old Knudsen said...

dear prudence Most old bugs are in the garage more than on the road, I had two, one didn't work I just fed off it's parts.

tony maybe lance smellstrong, puss go good bye.

kate isis let it all out in Blog land, throw in some jokes and people don't know its really a form of therapy, thats what I do.

Matt thats another thing off the menu, oh bugger.

pickled olives lucky I didn't mention my warts have warts.

Mr Waring I'm dripping a gold mine.

first nations are you coming on to me?

fat sparrow I would have thought that most would commit suicide.

Anonymous said...

Mine hasn't had to go to the bug doctor for years. It is in really good shape for being almost 45! My mom had it completely overhauled a couple of years ago. Runs like a charm.

Old Knudsen said...

Lucky, of course you're on the east of America, they run best in cooler climates due to the engine being air cooled but 45 years, why don't you save up and get a new car, I'll send you some money if ya want.