Wednesday 31 January 2007

Yes Mongs Its Yer Turn.

Isn't she lovely? if it wasn't for my common birth and hatred of Germans I could be Old Knudsen consort to the Queen and the Grand old Duke of Earl. Of course I have banged her. Is That indescreet telling that? sorry I've got Asperger's syndrome and Tourettes "fucking tit wank" so its not my fault.

Before I forget, "pinch 'n' punch the first of the month and no returns", sorry I can't be there to pinch and punch you in person.


What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton?

You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.


From The Urban Dictionary

Asperger's syndrome

the only disorder where "sufferers" have fuck all in common with each other because all "symptoms" are normal personality traits that everyone in the world has at least one of.

There is no such thing as asperger's syndrome

Asperger's Syndrome

A state of mental existence often misdiagnosed as a disorder. Though this is probably to be expected, as people who do not benefit from Asperger's were the ones who decided to call it one.

Asperger's is a form of high-functioning autism that has effects such as the ability to focus intently and a level of logical thinking that almost rivals computers.
Asperger's people also have a lower tendency to care about social interactions and graces, which is likely why neurotypicals (normal folks, often abbreviated NT) consider them disabled.

Asperger's is no more a disorder than sleep is. If anything, the mind of an Asperger's individual is more organized than a normal person's.

Aspie

This term is an affectionate nickname for those with Asperger's syndromeIt was the idea of parents
relatives of aspies.
Aspies are healthy mentally, their brain's just wired a different way.
I am an Aspie. That is, a person with asperger's syndrome. Some of the definitions on asperger's on here are questionable at best, at worst, so ignorant as to be offensive.Someone who claims to be an aspie ((the one that mentions a pill about the size of a tic-tac)) would be more believable had they omitted the clause of it being made up.

Asparagus Syndrome

An unlucky cunt who is not only painfully autistic (asperger syndrome) but can't spell for shit (dyslexic)
He says he feels a lighter shade of yellow today but when I told him to write down "yellow", he wrote "hjsdf". He must have Asparagus Syndrome .

Aspergers

Aspergers Syndrome is a disorder similiar to Autism. Persons with AS show marked deficiencies in social skills, have difficulties with transitions or changes and prefer sameness.
They often have obsessive routines and may be preoccupied with a particular subject of interest.
They have a great deal of difficulty reading nonverbal cues (body language) and very often the individual with AS has difficulty determining proper body space. Often overly sensitive to sounds, tastes, smells, and sights, the person with AS may prefer soft clothing, certain foods, and be bothered by sounds or lights no one else seems to hear or see.

The lead singer from the Vines has Aspergers Syndrome who ever he is.
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Its a cop out for those with undeveloped social skills cos they are just thick and unimaginative, also the cultural divide happens too, a lot of yanks get so lost on my Blog because they don't know the cultural references or the surrealism is a bit too surreal for them, such basic stuff to me but I could put them doon as having Aspergers that would be 80% of America, they get all the hip mental illnesses and buzzwords first. I know there are autistic people out there I've seen Rain man I just think people are more quick to give themselves a label and and excuse than try to overcome. FUCKER, sorry one slipped out .

23 comments:

Eddie Waring said...

I've got Michael Aspels Syndrome. I keep calling Mrs.Waring "Lionel Blair" when I'm shagging her.

Old Knudsen said...

Mr Waring even that is too sick for me to contemplate.

Dive you've done it now, Mr Waring hold me back, I'll ave im I will.
Thanks to yer blog I know yer stomping grounds, the stalk is on Dive, I can be a million different people, the little boy with a balloon, the young sexy woman, the shetland pony grazing by the road, the only thing that may give me away will be my deadliness, oh and maybe my cap.

Cheltenhamdailyphoto said...

LOL. Pinch and a kick for being so quick.
Some things are not possible to overcome Old K, rather like your intolerance.
Yes it's indiscreet to divulge your intimacy with our monarch. Brace yourself to be sent immediately to the Tower. Oh sorry i forgot you're in Scotland, that would be your get-out would it, giving yourself a label and excuse rather than try to overcome your shortcoming in shagging our Queen?

Old Knudsen said...

Being Scottish is not an excuse, don't make me come after you too, Lizzie was not too bad actually, I think Andrew and Edward may be mine.

Cheltenhamdailyphoto said...

There's nothing quite as exciting as a man saying "don't make me come after you" is there? ooh sharp intake of breath.

Yes we take our hats off to him Dive don't we. Though it's a bit tiresomely heavy to lift my crown...

Question of the day (yes you'll find there are two) Old K. When you met the Queen or if you meet any of the Royal Family, do you bow, as i would curtsey? Feel free to answer Dive if you wish, though we know you'd stand at full height defying convention?

Scout said...

I have an autistic nephew, and let me say that eating at a table with someone with no clue about social graces is no treat. You practically have to wear a bib just to keep from catching his cast-off crumbs.

Everybody's autistic these days. All you have to do is not care about your fellow man and his personal space, and you're in.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Old K on the labeling of every quirk, shortcoming and social inadequacies as a freaking Disorder or Syndrome. Every other weekend when my kids go to their dads I lock myself in the house, don’t answer the phone and generally have no desire to interact with any human. I don’t much like anyone’s kids but my own and would rather just wackem that look at them. I talk to my dogs all the time, often sing and dance alone. Laugh out loud at myself or just at my mind. I horde good wine and tender meat. I masturbate at least 4 times a week. I am quite content with my own company… hook me up with a shrink and see what they tell you! People need to stop looking for excuses not to be, do and manage. If I let all the shitty things that have happened to me in my life effect living, I would have killed myself when I was 10. Which would have certainly cut out another big portion of shit that happened after I was 10. But here I am still at 44 with a great job, beautiful home, 3 great kids and 3 top of the line vibes! Just goes to show you any fucked up person can have a good life if they want it!

Dive, Robyn and Sassy..sorry for too much info!

Andraste said...

By some of those definitions, I could claim Aspergers. Boot ah doon't.

I'm just fucking awkward.

Andraste said...

Awkward says hello.

Neponset River Bridge Dig said...

another name for it is "ASSBURGERS" . Hey anyoneone want a burger??

Ame said...

Pru...I gotcha BEAT! I toss or wank or have sex-for-one at LEAST 3 times a day! ;) This comment is intended for a certain audience...thought it might bring a little cheer...may I have cheese on mine? =)

Ame said...

Oh, one more thing Knuddie...you're allowed ONE slip per day...as long as you sliiiiiiiiiiiiiide it over here in my direction! I, for one, am proud of you! ;)

Old Knudsen said...

dive its a talent, you said I must be doing something right, thats similar to a fog quote i have up.

lynn when I ruled Zenda I'd bow from the waist and click my heels, now its just a stiff neck nod or shaking hands if its offered, depending on the person, hey i thought you'd know this.

robyn with autistic people you can usually tell if theres something wrong but being a bit slow is not a syndrome or I myself have aspergers days.

dear prudence well done you've gotten through the tough part of life and still have yer humour, the rest is gravy, we all have odd or bad days, I don't like other people to see my weaknesses its a British thing like bleeding in front of the natives, not done. Sorry I can't go to war I have cowards syndrome.

andraste me too, I have mood swings and get turned on by cheese, I'm not a nut I'm just a person, well ok the cheese thing is odd.

rich are you talking about McDonalds?

ame SUGAR TITS I wank 12 times a day and sometimes use raw liver or fresh fruit for vitamin C.

Anonymous said...

Well done Ame. I bow before ya!

OldK: Humor is the best medicine. Especially if you can turn it on yourself. We are all just a bunch of silly wankers, are we not!

Ame said...

No, but I've had chocolate syrup & whipped cream tits! Does that count for anything?

And for the record, I think Andraste & Rich are sharing! ;)

Cheltenhamdailyphoto said...

I'm not entering into this lone-lady-loving contest. My stats shall remain just that. Mine. Tut to you all.

Foot Eater said...

Question of the day (yes you'll find there are two) Old K. When you met the Queen or if you meet any of the Royal Family, do you bow, as i would curtsey?

I suspect the answer is no, Lynn. He'd poke himself in the eye with his enormous weapon.

See, Mr K, I can be nice sometimes.

Cheltenhamdailyphoto said...

LOL foot eater. Can't believe i just typed foot eater.

Old Knudsen said...

dear prudence you are one of the few Bloggers that everything I see yer name I get a song stuck in my head, can you guess what it is?

ame when you're ready for fried eggs and bacon then we'll talk.
Its good to share, barney says so.

lynn Its well too late for you to remain a lady, I'm guessing you're a once a night gurl and its in front of a mirror, with a camcorder on you too.

Mr Eater I know you can be nice, I've seen how you talk to other people I just don't trust it.

Ame said...

Bring 'em on! But make sure that bacon is extra crispy! =)

Anonymous said...

I might go with the obvious Old K but what song you might be thinking of I dare not guess!

Cheltenhamdailyphoto said...

Old K i shall always remain a lady. Guess away, do.

Neponset River Bridge Dig said...

every time I see that pic of the queen you have there I think of George Washington or even better... the guy onnthe Quaker Oats box.