Saturday 31 March 2007

Bono Sells Out And Not In A Stadium.

Bono half hiding his face in shame receives the KBE which also cums with a set of matching ear rings.

Bono the lead singer of some obscure Irish group (possibly The Corrs I can't remember) was awarded a honourary knighthood in Dublin by the British Ambassador.
The singer's title is Knight Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire or KBE for short.
He cannot use the title 'Sir' as he is not a British citizen but he now belongs to Great Britain and can be ordered to command a regiment to go off and fight the French at any time if needed.

The Knighthood caused a little friction with his band mates as Bono is not allowed to sing the song "Bloody Sunday" anymore but his KBE gives him 10% off at Tescos so he told his guitarist the Hedge, Curly, Larry and Mo to "go fuck."

Other non-Brits that got the KBE include Bob Geldof, Bill Gates, Placido Domingo, Rudolf Giuliani , George W Bush and Steven Spielberg .

Bono hopes the accolade (not alcoholic lemonade) will help him in talks about Third World debt and help him to pick up younger chicks as hes 46 and the tight leather pants just aren't doing it anymore, hes sick of the middle aged hoosewife groupie which is bad because older weemen know more.

13 comments:

Fat Sparrow said...

I heard his black leather pants are made out of the skin of young African boys.

Momentary Madness said...

I just had to come out of the holiday spirit (which I'm surprised you mever mentioned as I put up Cliff just for you) Great to see Bono: one of our own - who'll be no doubt at King Arthur's table frequently lashing back the free pints.

Momentary Madness said...

PS: U2 - might get one some day but then; these days I think you have to be a...... Paddy

The Mistress said...

Did he have to get down on his knees in front of the Brit?

Anonymous said...

"Accolade-not alcholic lemonade" fabulous Old K. Only you would have thunk it!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eddie Waring said...

Boner? Bob Geldof? What about Midge fuckin' Ure?

Old Knudsen said...

fat sparrow That remark sounds a little racist and un PC to me, good work

paddy By putting a Cliff richard YouTube up you've shown how much on the edge you really are.

MJ I think those uppity mucksavages should be made to.

Dear Prudence I do have my moments, woops just had one, clean up on Aisle 4.

Mr Warring that lad cries when he dances, he'd have a nervous breakdoon with a medal, besides after Live Aid he said, "those boyos are well fucked who am I kidding?"

D. C. Warmington said...

Did you hear the one about Bono at some Live-Aid style concert recently? Starts clapping his hands, once a second. Says to the assembled multitude, with suitable, guilt-inducing gravity: "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice from the audience shouts back: "Stop doing it, then!"

M@ said...

You just threw me for a grammar loop with the "a honorary."

I'm a big stickler for not using "an" before a silent "h" but for some reason we Americans say "an honorary" as an exception to this rule.

Anyway, as a half-Irish, half-wanker American I wonder if I'd qualify for British knighthood.

Damn French.

Momentary Madness said...

dc warmingtom still never ges the whole picture. I think he spent too much time in Butlin's as a kid. (that's because he's only a part of all parts: only the initiated will understand that) Bono at the time was only clapping with one hand, but that was blocked by the media /too much international bank pressure. I bet dc din't know that John Lennon appeared beside Bono, and it is actually rumoured he used his hand together with bono.

D. C. Warmington said...

Paddy

Your analysis is persuasive, but completely bonkers.

Old Knudsen said...

Mr Warmington is it just Bono that has the power to kill Africans by clapping or can I do it too?

niolk don't forget that murphy cunt putting on an English accent for 28 days later.

Matt Grammar is for the weak, I do not let such get in the way of my message, for god's sake man Africans are dying.......did you just say "good?"

paddy so John Lennon used his hand on Bono? not being on the same plane of existance as yerself that is what I will take from yer comment.