Tuesday 15 May 2007

Being A Hero Cums Naturally.

You may know British actor Edward Fox from such movies as Force 10 from Toblerone, The Bounty Bar and Day of the jackoff seen here holding the medal he received from the Queen the Token Of Fidelity and Fortitude or TOFF.

I like to sit and rememberise sometimes. Once I was on holiday in London staying in a crappy wee hotel in East Finchley, that was a right dive, at dinner time I was served by a smarmy waiter that would yell and argue with the cook all the while throwing pots and pans and then he'd cum through the swing doors, smile and quietly talk as if nothing had ever happened, the arguing made dinner take a long long time, he'd bring out a bit of bacon covered in some tomato and basil sauce for us to try and to keep us happy as we waited and then they'd get back to the shouting.

It was such a crappy place I had to go out and scour the streets for my own hookers don't worry, if you threw a stick you'd hit a working gurl, in fact I did many a time do that to get their attention, the Sassenachs doon south are a dozy lot, ungodly and immoral as well which is why you go doon there for a holiday, just ask any of the Yanks who were over here during the war.

The thing I remember about that trip most of all was not the weapons deal that went bad but saving the life of one of the royal family. It wasn't really a royal it was Edward Fox a thespian (which is Latin for poo pirate) he has played so many royals and has that posh accent its easy to get confused, well it confused someone.
A splinter cell of the Provisional IRA known as The really real and serious IRA wanted to cause mayhem and chaos by killing a royal. Mr Fox or Foxy as he now lets me call him was receiving an award from the Queen for his contribution in appearing smug and upper class in countless TV and film roles.

I was walking along the street checking the ground for change and cigarette butts when the car carrying Foxy was boxed in by black taxis, out jumped several masked gunmen with guns who then pumped the driver of the trapped car full of holes.
I stood and watched and thought to myself, "hang on a mo something is going on here" then I heard it, the accent I'd heard during countless of drunken pub fights and interrogations in Northern Ireland, one of the gun men shouted "get out of the caa to be sure" fucking paddies I'd teach them to discharge weapons within the city limit. I charged them knocking one to the ground and letting them step into my killing zone, I used one of their own guns to kill two of them and capture one the rest fled as if they were being chased by horny priests.
I was slightly wounded in the shoulder, merely a flesh wound and well you know the rest had you read any news papers in 1992, medals honours reuniting with the Queen and taking a shag doon memory lane with her, ah good days.
I sued the really real and serious IRA for mental anguish which put them out of business . Foxy still keeps in touch but hes a boring old cunt so I wish he wouldn't.

12 comments:

Momentary Madness said...

Fawlty Towers Hotel; I guess you stumbled into a bad episode. You were lucky to get out alive.
Token Of Fidelity and Fortitude "TOFF". I've learned something today Knudsen. That's where the word comes from. Idiot me. Cheers old man!
Y;-) Paddy

Old Knudsen said...

If you learned something from my Blog then I humbly apologise.

Fat Sparrow said...

Your man Edward Fox there looks like the bastard love child of Prince Philip and William H. Macy.

Anonymous said...

Gosh, the bloke looks old here. Tenthousands whiskies later ...

savannah said...

*bless his heart*

Anonymous said...

Old K!

I hate to be the bearer of bad news (I'd rather be the barer of good arse), but I believe that some wanker named Clancy may have stolen your experience and wrote a book about it! He's makin' millions off your good deed!

You should sue.

Gorilla Bananas said...

I remember the headlines. The IRA shot a man called Kemp in the leg and stole his car. Kemp was heard saying "Where's that fucker Knudsen when you need him?". You Scotch are always re-writing history: look at Braveheart, they never really showed the English their arses.

FirstNations said...

we could have used a man like you back when Bush stole the election. i don't know for what, though...maybe a footwear model.

sweet mother of googly moogly, man, do you ever stand up from the keyboard or do you simply shit where you sit? your output (front AND rear, one assumes) is PRODIGIOUS!

Old Knudsen said...

fat sparrow I heard thats what does it for ya.

mago don't drink so much whiskey then.

savannah the english don't have hearts.

janiebelle back at last,my ideas always get stolen just look at that wanker Ray Bradbury.

Mr bananas It is suspected that the english only went north so they could see scottish arse, both gary and martin kemp owe me money for writing their songs, I'm no helping them.

first nations I have a commode to save time.PRODIGIOUS is that a good word? sounds protestant to me so I'm happy.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I think he's lovely too. When I was coming of age he was one of my favourite fanciable old blokes. He still is, although you don't see him in stuff so much any more. His brother James is pretty handsome as well.

Old Knudsen said...

James 'was' the pretty one both have now aged as well as the Windsors.

Anonymous said...

Foxy should learn his lesson and get tae fock. Slack moothed southerner.