Thursday 24 May 2007

So Many Weemen So Little Time.


Old Knudsen has not always been the smooth operator that he is today, once I was clueless to the wants and desires of females.
I went to an all boys school that was a strict and serious place smack in the middle of the local bible belt.
The teachers were a bit too fast to cane you and taught you respect that came from fear.
The religious education teacher was also the music teacher which fit in quite nicely with the protestant way of worship if we weren't learning the uninspiring hymms and prayers for RE we would be learning very uninspiring songs about Zulus and fire doon below (no not the clap) everyone that taught there were very dour and only showed passion when swinging the bamboo doon onto some ones hand for getting the wrong answer .
For all the harsh discipline it was a good school that actually educated the children,on days when it was too wet to kick a football about during the lunch hour we went to a class and played chess or draughts not too many schools like that now.

I moved to another town and another school, a mixed one (boys and gurls that is) I had sisters but they were older and the female was a creature I had no understanding of nor the jealously of other boys when I got the attention of a gurl they liked.
My new teachers were burned out didn't give a fuck types who didn't cane and were tickled pink when I turned up in full uniform and answered them as 'sir' and 'miss'

Gurls liked me because well who knows? I was pimply had a broad country accent and was quiet, maybe it was the cap.
Gurls would punch me on the arm bump into me with their breasts or hip checked me which really annoyed me as I don't like my killing zone to be invaded.

One gurl would chase me doon and ask if she could carry my books, was she implying I wasn't strong enough? the bitch.

Being from a family of brabblers I lived a life of defending myself from the sarcastic remarks from my older siblings I assumed this was how everyone was so when a gurl asked "hey wee lad would you see me?" I'd take that for sarcasm and knew if I said yes they would say "fuck away off I wouldn't see you if my life depended on it" so to not give them that power I always said no.

Another gurl always seemed to be at the same part of the school as I was all the time, she set up scenarios in which she had trouble opening doors because of the books she was carrying or she'd drop them near me, such a clumsy gurl I made sure I avoided her, I got to turn her doon when she asked to see me.

Thinking back on all those times I like to give myself a punch in the face for being so stupid, all the gurls became really beautiful weemen and ignored me in later years for breaking their hearts I suppose.

I learned that weemen are just the same as men but totally different and that they are the better of the sexes, sure you get exceptions but I'm talking generally here. I love weemen their look their strengths their (nice) smells the way they make me suck in my belly and puff up my chest and bless me with a smile that puts me into a high for the rest of the day. Except for my exes who are all dumb hoors.

13 comments:

ellie said...

So you didn't take many wee girls up the entry for a lumbar then? A sheltered childhood indeed.

SamD said...

Awww...the weemen love you too of course.

Anonymous said...

"except for my exes who are all dumb hoors" That statement Old K is Unisex!

The Mistress said...

The cane?

I would have just snapped a twig from a tree and given you a good birching.

Manuel said...

"wee"men? Jesus, she's a honey and no mistake..

Megan McGurk said...

"wee" men? Wimmin looks better if you're looking for an alternative, unless you're going for the Aristotelian argument that we are damaged or lesser men.
Women are not better than men, Old Knudsen. Nor do we want to be.
We're just human beings, a fact which unfortunately people forget.

But you sure can be cute when you want to be.
I bet you're puffing out your chest now, right?

Unknown said...

Old Knudgesen, where have you gone! This all sweetness and light not bass and vile!

savannah said...

are you in love?

Scout said...

Yep, I was wondering if you were in love, too.

Old Knudsen said...

ellie Though I expressed a great interest in underwear catalogues I wouldn't know what to do with a gurl.

samd I don't expose my soft under belly for just anyone.

dear prudence I never could get the whole lets be friends thing, most normal people hold grudges and rightly so.

MJ I heard you're a bit like typhoid Mary and due to that boat of Dutch sailors you've spread Dutch Elm Disease to most of the western hemisphere.

medbh All men are bastards but no we're just humans, its my opinion from my vast experience that weemen are better as I've met more weemen I like than men, of course it is a man's world, as for how I say weemen I write like I speak, you're knew to my blog but you like the Knudsen honey obliviously .

Conan Drumm some folks thing I'm a one demensional stereotype, I leave those fuckers dead in a trench, thats the last time they underestimate Old Knudsen, I'm fucking deep.

savannah the discount I got from a local hooker was very close to being in love.

robyn I love my readers now fuck off the lot of you.

savannah said...

i love you anyway..or is that i still love you..

Fat Sparrow said...

Oh, he's in love, all right. In love with himself.

Old Knudsen said...

Everybody loves knudsen.