Tuesday 22 May 2007

Time Waits For Nomads.

"Ach this Whiskey is older than my last wife but it does taste better."

For those concerned I'm fucking pished so fuck off.

When you spread some dead persons ashes out to sea as they requested you don't go out and bring them back in now do you? so when Canadian James Doohan 85 when he died ,the most famous fake Scotsman in the world, Engineer Scotty of Star Trek wanted his ashes to be shot into space did he know what all that entailed?

Along with the remains of 200 other people it was shot up to the edge of space via rocket and then it fell back to earth.
I pictured something grand like being deployed into space into a decaying orbit to burn up on re-entry .

Nope, they launched it in New Mexico which has less calories than the old Mexico and it landed there too. It landed in the mountains and was lost for 3 weeks. Doohan did have Alzheimer's at the end of his life, maybe he just wondered off.

So what happens now? he sits in a vase on the mantelpiece while his 31 year-old widow looks after their 5 year-old and entertains her boyfriends? seems like a bit of a con to me, maybe they also do burials at sea from inside their bathrooms, a Viking funeral on the barbecue or yer more conventional burials were you're put into a skip and end up at a land fill.
I don't care what happens to me when I'm dead, its not like I'll feel it. Maybe I'd like to be varnished till I'm solid and water proof and used by the village elders to de-flower young gurls in some kind of Pagan entering womanhood ceremony .
Remember water proof not water resistant theres another con, things are only water resistant until they actually get wet then they are well ruined , and when you buy a watch thats shock proof what are ya a mong? who the fuck jumps out and scares watches? while we're on the subject, those self winding watches, all lies. I got this big fuck off Sekonda self winding watch, I sat it doon on the table and waited, 3 days had passed and never once did it wind itself up cos I was watching.

19 comments:

The Mistress said...

When you're dead, I wanna snort your ashes 'til I'm giddy.

ellie said...

shock proof what are ya a mong? who the fuck jumps out and scares watches?

Love it! The kind of joke my Dad would tell. Thanks!

Momentary Madness said...

When you're dead you wont even know it. It's only a ceramony
for the living to come to terms with their grief/sadness and a tribute to the person.
So you're right Knudsen it wont make any difference to you or anyone of us. I guess we wont even know we're dead, nor even that we have lived.
Y;-) Paddy

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I don't care what happens after I'm dead either. I know I don't one of there enormous great coffins though. These things are ever more ludicrous these days. Some people's coffin's are nicer than some of the living's vliving conditions.

Stick me in a paper bag and plant me in Stornoway. I guess that would be what I'd pick if I had to.

Anonymous said...

Scott me up Beamie!
Some years ago there was a nice story in Switzerland, where the people of a crematorium heated their bureaus with the heat of the ovens.
I'll be burnt anyway like the rest, the ashes be thrown in a forrest. And if my smudgering fat helps to warm a crematorium-worker, so be it.

By the way: Franconian!

Sassy Sundry said...

A watched watch never winds. Dig the new proverb.

Hope you are feeling OK today.

dive said...

Damn! Wish I'd thought of the varnish thing. I'm gonna have to change my will.
And it's kinda spooky when us old guys both post about our deaths on the same day.
Bring it on.

Unknown said...

It's the zylithium crystals, they need a shake-n-wind action. Without it your watch will never reach warp 1.

Anonymous said...

Personally I don't care what happens to my remains, other than not being buried. I don't want to be shot full of preservatives and thrown into everlasting in the ground. Bad for the soil really. Now, a viking funeral would be cool. But, I'm really not picky.

Little Miss Manuel said...

The kiddies have done you a lovely picture for your birthday Mr Knudsen

Dick Headley said...

I think you should be ground up and sold to Keith Richards.

Anonymous said...

I watched Scotty rocket into space just a few weeks ago. Didnt know he was back from vacation. I never even got a postcard. Pisser

Old Knudsen said...

Thank fuck I only have 3 birthdays a year I didn't remember what I posted.

Franconian! don't push it mate you called me a cock slinger, I'm a cock handler.

savannah said...

damn...i just posted a comment on dive's site...same topic...short version: cremation, catapult ashes over river, big party...wtf will i care, it'll be all over for me :D

Anonymous said...

Knudsen will never die. Yer too old an' great fer that.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Now, if you've sobered up, a wee bit, go to my blog, my new one and look for the post that says Knudsen's got a Scotland Yard. Is yer head hurtin, either up there or doon there?
Kisses ya ol' dirty bastard. 50 fuckin comments, I could be so lucky. It must be your charm.

Anonymous said...

That's it - he's permanently reborn - are you a reborn Christ, did you see the light in the night? Are you damm'd to eternal darkness? Aaah it's the dimple, com'on Rory, whatever you handle - chop it off like St. Oytt did - Franconia you ol' honeysuckel rosebud is where the head of the bavarian "lion" sits, the rest is viscera, bloody guts, catholic catatonic Audi and BMW - who wants that shit?

Fat Sparrow said...

"when you buy a watch thats shock proof what are ya a mong? who the fuck jumps out and scares watches?"

That one got a belly laugh.

One of my friends was planning on being cremated when she died, and she wanted her ashes chucked from Skyways (the overhead tram at Disneyland) so she could land in some poor kid's ice cream. They took Skyways out a couple of decades ago, so now she's thinking to have someone let her loose on Space Mountain, or maybe the Matterhorn, so she can get sucked in by unsuspecting screamers.

Eddie Waring said...

"Even a stopped watch tells the right time twice a day" - Withnail & I

It's true.