Tuesday 3 July 2007

A Great Week If Yer Scottish.

The Palestinians gained respect for Alan when he bested 4 of their strongest warriors in combat to the death.

Johnston the BBC reporter has been released by his kidnappers in Gaza after nearly four months in captivity.


He later appeared beside Hamas leader Ismail Haniya and thanked everyone who had worked for his release especially Old Knudsen who had the "Free Alan Johnson" banner in his blog's sidebar.

Rallies worldwide had called for Mr Johnston's release. An online petition was signed by some 200,000 people.

A senior Hamas official, Mahmoud Zahar, said no deal was done with the kidnappers to secure Mr Johnston's release and that Hamas did not work towards the release "to receive favours from the British government," which is good because soon you cunts will be out.

"We did this because of humanitarian concern, and to achieve a government aim to extend security to all without fear." He said with a straight face.

Mr Johnston commented. "The last 16 weeks have been the very worst of my life," he said. "I was in the hands of people who were dangerous and unpredictable and who smelled like goat sex."

"I literally dreamt many times of being free and always woke up back in that room with a sand savage touching me up and feeling sticky."
Mr Johnston said he was not tortured during captivity but he did fall ill from the food he was served, "The sheep piss flaps kebabs just weren't to my tastes."

When asked what he missed most during his time in captivity he said," Not reading Old Knudsen the best Blogger in the world."

Ach lad I'm blushing I missed you too now get yer hair cut ya hippy.


Another reason to be glad that yer Scottish and not a dirty Sassenach or Frenchy.


John Smeaton, the baggage handler who helped tackle the idiot Glasgow Airport bombers has become an internet celebrity .A Tribute website aims at buying Smeato as I call him 1,000 pints, so far 500 have been pledged. To buy him a pint and to read more about his greatness visit, http://www.johnsmeaton.com/

The hero was out smoking a fag when his smoke break was rudely interrupted by two slitty eyed mongs who attempted a "cry for help" bombing. Smeato held his ciggie between his lips and grabbed the barbequed bombers, giving them a good old Raintown smacking . "what" ::smack::: "where" :::smack:::"you" :::smack::::"thinking?"

It makes me wonder how the whole Iran taking of our service people would have went doon if they had been Glaswegians instead of soft English.


Sandsavage: "Put down your weapons or we shall open fire."


Glaswegians: :::after the laughing had died doon::: "Away and fuck wee man." :::opens fire:::


Sandsavages get a taste of hard Scottish cock before they die, national pride upheld and the Iranians re-think the invasion.


For a great post on "Smeato the bane of Allah" read THIS by Clairwil .

John Smeaton now joins the ranks of Honourary Bitter Balls for not using a splash guard when tackling burning terrorists.

25 comments:

Fat Sparrow said...

Yep, I put Smeato in my "Honeys" section of my blog earlier. He's a fine piece of Glaswegian man-meat.

Metody Jankowiak said...

Knudsen,
May I address these concerns that you have?

1 I see you took the link you had up to me doon I can't be that much of a pleasure …

You are such a sensitive soul for one so breviloquent… but chin~up, you are once more pasted up.

2 As you know there are forces amassing against me…

Now I am not a professional but have considered that you might suffer paranoia. An unmistakable sign of paranoia is continual mistrust. People with paranoid personality disorder are constantly on their guard because they see the world as a threatening place. They tend to confirm their expectations by latching on to any speck of evidence that supports their suspicions and ignore or misinterpret any evidence to the contrary. They are ever watchful and may look around for signs of a threat.
Because persons with paranoid personality disorder are hyperalert, they notice any slight and may take offense where none is intended. As a result, they tend to be defensive and antagonistic. When they are at fault, they cannot accept blame, not even mild criticism. Yet they are highly critical of others. Other people may say that these individuals make "mountains out of molehills."
I give my house~boy Quetiapine, an atypical antipsychotic medication, and now he is as right as ninepence.

3 I don't give a shit what others do on their blogs, they can invent 12 personas?

See above.

4 I just wish you'd speak straight… very passive agressive. (two ‘g’s’ by the way).

Now I do not criticise the way you talk, my friend, so kindly do the same. We can’t all be born with the regional argot.

Megan McGurk said...

See, a smoker saved the day! Smokers are heroes!
Fighting criminals and puffing on a cigarette. All in a day's work for John.

tony said...

(a confused Sassenach writes........)
Was it because of the bad weather in Scotland this year? the reason that Burns' Night was delayed 6 months?

Old Knudsen said...

fat sparrow Rab C Nesbit would be proud of him.

aahussey I was only kidding about the link, yer blog is as dull as a thaw which is why I never linked to start with I just wanted to see if I get you to put the link back as yer words and actions don't match, fuck I'm good. And sorry about the spelling I know that bugs you being so anal and uptight etc. Yes I am paranoid so you'll understand when I just start to delete yer comments, just put it doon to me not liking you. Ka-Chow!

medbh Jesus smoked you know.

tony do you mean sexually confused?

Fat Sparrow said...

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

Metody Jankowiak said...

As you like.

Old Knudsen said...

fat sparrow very true.

Anonymous said...

I hope he gave'em a "Glasgow Kiss" to boot! ha,ha,ha.

-P

Old Knudsen said...

A Glasgow child's first words are "stitch that" as they do the kiss.

Old Knudsen said...

You gheys have an honours list? I hope I'm on it.

the witchfynder said...

I am envious of Smeaton whilst accepting his giant hero status. I would very much have liked an opportunity to bitch slap Doctor Bad Driver but alas...
All hail to this balls of steel Scot of high quality.

Tickersoid said...

I'm half Scottish. I'm proud.

Anonymous said...

I had a friend from Scotland, till he went all stupid and followed some girl to Pennsylvania. He'd talk for hours but I hadn't clue what our converstions were about.

He thought I was a swell listener, but I was just napping to the sound of a gentle brogue. He was a somber lot and definitely not the type to go about tacklin' people.

-P

Manuel said...

Smeato kicked yer man so hard in the knackers than he done his muscles or tendons or something in...

Ooh that's gotta hurt...

Fatman said...

Smeaton will now have a scrum of people lining up to have their baggages handled by him. Lucky bastard.

Fat Sparrow said...

He can definitely handle my baggage anytime.

Momentary Madness said...

Good man. He should be made a knight because that's what a real knight is fighting for king and country.
Y;-) Paddy

The Rooms Gallery said...

Hada way and shyte. Is yous all wanking off over this or what? Yous bunch of bandits.

Foot Eater said...

I wish people were as appreciative when I release my Johnson in public.

Fat Sparrow said...

Sister Bridgit, I haven't heard a vernacular that piss-poor since the last time I heard Madonna have a go at being English. Pull your anal, I mean rosary, beads out of your ass and get thee back to a nunnery in Ireland to have some practice at speaking like the common folk.

Old Knudsen said...

witchfynder don't miss out make an appointment and go and beat up yer doctor.

tickersoid I knew there was a reason why I half liked you.

Ms Blue he doesn't mine tackling the weemen though or was he a stalker?

manuel when an asian gets kicked in the balls are his eyes still slitty?

fatman or to be tackled.

fatsparrow I really don't know what that means but it sounds wrong.

paddy send him to Iraq to sort them out.

sister I take it you now live in Newcastle-upon-tyne going by yer accent.

Mr Eater I despise yer ability to make me laugh.

fatsparrow he probably has never even met a bogtrotter in real life funny as fuck though.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I fell in love with Smeato that day. What a great bloke he is.

Old Knudsen said...

We all did.

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