Wednesday 24 October 2007

Portrait Of A Spammer

I was having such a *hard time thinking of what to post* due to being so distressed about people typing wanker in my comment box, oh the pain so here is a post about them. If you want the full story just go HERE


Everyone says ignore the spammers I say make them work for me and take the piss out of them at the same time.

The Spammer:

I wake up in the morning after a sleepless night because my court order ankle bracelet is chaffing like FAUCK FAUCK FAUCK YOU'LL DIE, my tourettes is quite bad today. Why do the police need to know where I am all the time? I swore I'd never go near a school again.

I look at myself in the mirror but not in the eyes and say, "you're a funny intelligent person and well liked, no matter what everyone says." After my daily affirmation its time for some fruit loops then off to the office.

To stay fit I skip to work while smacking two coconut shells together, I'm a unicorn named Dennis. I often stop to accuse people I don't know of being out to get me, its what I do.

sometimesifalloverandithurtmekneewithabashybooboo.




I knew Manuel Noriega was in on it, go on say he'd never do a thing like that, as you have e-mailed with him twice and therefore know him, don't piss on my leg and tell me its raining. Next its oh you are so paranoid, these are the kind of people who get killed in slasher movies.

I work in Information Technology as a cleaner, not of hard drives but of shiny surfaces, its company policy to hire a mentally challenged window licker like on "L.A. Law" I love that show, I watch it every night though it ended years ago and I don't have a TV, I'm special. I tell people I'm an information technologer but spend the day making tea and cleaning when I'm not spamming and arguing with the water cooler.

I use lots of computers when the others are on their lunch breaks and have so many different faces, fuck I'm so clever and your not, I'm a dog, a monkey , a hat stand , several hot girls and one ugly girl, and many boring lords and ladies as I am ashamed of my working class parents, I have nightmares about having to do actual work .

Most of my blogs are victim blogs, these are half-assed boring as fuck blogs so when I spam people and they accuse me I say but look, I'm a blogger a victim myself, Lord Lookin, Goober the dog and monkey nuts comment on me I must a real bone fide blogger, clever huh? disinformation is the key, bloggers are sooo stoopid.

I check into my Nemesis' blog "Old Bitter Balls," yet another fantastically funny post, I don't know how he does it, yes! he has his comment moderation off , now to get the attention from him that I yearn for as he is the father figure and hunk of loving I have always wanted.

:::::sticks tongue out and starts to type::::: "The Monday club said.......wanker wanker wanker wanker wanker "etc :::takes a break:::: "Fiona said........looser looser looser looser "etc ::::::mis-spells it 20 times ah the irony::::::: oh no, Old Knudsen has slapped on his moderation and foiled my efforts to fill up his comment box, this isn't over Old Knudsen someday I shall destroy you for some reason I haven't thought out yet.

Later in the day I try again, but huh? my IP is blocked? I use another server to post ::::sticks out tongue again::::: "Mandy Onslow said....... . . . . . . ." fuck I'm so clever just dots heh heh I may go through a lot of trouble, time and effort but I'm sure Old Knudsen is crying because I type nasty things on his blog, I'm sure hes never gone through anything as bad as this in his life hehe.
Nothing good has ever come out of the jungle.


My mother did cheat on my drunken child molesting father by fucking a retarded monkey at the zoo but look at me, do I look I got any of the monkey retardness? (it was actually an ape, did you know that Gorillas have penis' no bigger than a pencil? true fact that, maybe they should have rubbers on the ends)

Oh no there goes the moderation again ,this isn't over Old Knudsen someday I shall destroy you for some reason I haven't thought out yet.

After a hard day of spamming , crap blogging and wiping up coffee spills I stick some sewing needles into my groin.

My life ambitions is to break my father's cycle of abuse, get off probation and destroy Old Knudsen but not in that order, now its off to stalk some of **my old boyfriends**, they think they can change phone numbers and addresses but I find them and their little bunnies FAUK FAUK WE WILL NEVER STOP, sorry there goes the tourettes again .

I wonder why I have no real friends, oh yeah, I know why.






*I'm only kidding duh!*


**I never said if this particular spammer was male or female or both.**

The funny thing is that the day before these people that are known to me started to spam me, I was considering taking a break from blogging. Now I can't/won't take a break I just keep making new blogs, they have suceeded in doing the opposite that they wanted to do, well done spammers, here have a banana.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yay - I'm First! :))

The Rooms Gallery said...

Very good Soren,

This has all been a very long drawn out tale of woe, with you accusing everyone within spitting distance. I am convinced that the plain facts of the matter is that you it is you behind all of this. You are the common denominator from all these diverse blogs.
I notice that when you get stuck for ideas, or when your comments are on the decline, then out comes this old chestnut again.
Leave it Knudsen, you are not convincing anyone anymore, and its a little pathetic of you.

Jenny said...

right, like you give a crap about comments.

Third!

Old Knudsen said...

mago ok then make yer comment.

JJ many have confirmed that Johnny Johnson is Gorilla Bananas, Ill just call you monkey nut jane. You were on me the first time for 36 minutes and 55 seconds and thats all you came up with, fuck you are slow.
My drafts are full of completed posts dickhead I made that joke about being stuck as it just doesn't happen to me, am I going too fast for you? don't try humour you just can't do it.
I don't need to convince anyone thats not my job. I'm happy enough with my constant 150 visitors a day to this one blog I'm not in it for a book deal but you will never beat me because I am stronger,better and faster than you.
The crazy label doesn't work either you just aren't very convincing and folks are starting to catch on the more you blog and come from other blogs, I do talk to other bloggers you know and they do watch their site meters too, so Johnson is a spammer as yer IP is the same as the one you changed it to yesterday LOOSER!

to quote you.

A Boxer not as much as the spammer would like me to.

Old Knudsen said...

How cum when I click on Johnson it gives me profile not available for baron archer? the fake blogger I mentioned? ah fake blogs cum and go.

savannah said...

why can't we all just get along? *snickering* fuckit, sugar, i read you because you make me laugh/think/smile/shiver/scram/howl/yell...but that's just me.

FirstNations said...

very, very, VERY interesting indeed.

i'd thought better of you, GB.


say the word, knudie.

Old Knudsen said...

savannah those reactions in others are the very reason I blog, thankyou for yer continued howling.

first nations They aren't worth it, thankyou oh warrior of truth, kill one and another pops up, if you ever find the motherspammer, stomp it dead. no point attacking these shadows, they harm themselves enough I'd say.

The Mistress said...

One Knudsen Nation undivided.

Old Knudsen said...

Funny you should say that, I was going to form sections in the nation, ones I've had sex with and ones I've still to crack.

Rimshot said...

I forget, which camp would I fall into then O.K.? My ass hurts but I'm not sure why.

FirstNations said...

ah, 'profile not available'.

eat the weak.

Old Knudsen said...

A Boxer Don't mess with a pugilist.

rimshot Old Knudsen says"there is always time to lube."

first nations yesterday you would have found a blog attached to the profile.

ellie said...

Spam ; the cheap alternative to real meat

Jeff G said...

The Army is here. Old Knudsen rules!

When a spammer gets divorced are they still legally brother and sister?

Anonymous said...

Well I got my first one. An anonymous rant the size of the bible.
I'm with savannah in the shrieking wriggling activities inspired by what you write.
Your my daily sanity Old K. xoxoxox

Old Knudsen said...

ellie I dream about anally raping spammers with a tin of spam, is that wrong?

the man very good, I do suspect lots of in breeding with my spammers.

kate get rid of anon, the lazy bastards can't even be arsed to set up a profile.

INNER VOICES said...

im late, so i guess i'll be bringing up the rear. i think if it was you spamming yerself, youd have a litle bit more to say than looser or wanker.
shall we knuder the spammers or what?

Old Knudsen said...

They have checked the comments 4-5 times today according to my site meters but no spam, in fact as its me spamming myself I apologise to myself for being such a silly prick and I shall never spam myself ever again.

Ms. Kimba said...

jeez. they just wont drop it will they????

Anonymous said...

hang in there! We will never leave you!

Old Knudsen said...

Mrs cecrux At least I can say my conscience is clear as I never provoke the tossers , they always hit first, I merely cut them doon with my rapier sharp wit until they can think of another name to spam me under.

dear prudence that thought scares and arouses me at the same time, well done.

Megan McGurk said...

Chin up, Old Knudsen.
Don't let the bastards get you down.