Sunday 20 January 2008

What If God Was One Of Us?


Old Knudsen never brags unless you count telling what happened bragging of course. I am one of the most important people in the universe as God himself comes to me for ideas and advice. All those cancer curing plants in the Amazon were my idea.

God needs to be entertained as Earth is one of his many reality shows so I put them in the Amazon as a challenge, you can't make things too easy.
Anyway at the moment the Juttron genocide on Xucrin 4 is vastly more interesting for him, he loves a good slaughter, you just have to read yer old testament to see that, oh yeah that was back when there were only 3 worlds to watch and two of them had nothing but photo fucking synthesis on them.

I invited him doon to Killamory to join in on the fun, he just yapped yapped yapped about the usual, mostly how I talked him into creating weemen and look at the state of the world.

I pointed out that if you look at the Middle east, world politics, the IRA and UVF, Nazis and the Minute 'Men' its 99% male. Sure you get the odd silly bint but really I just wanted a warm, soft, jiggly creature to stick ma dick into and talk too and God doth say'th, "What do you want to talk to her for?"
Adam was too busy breaking off sticks to hit things with to talk, not a big thinker that lad, blame him for the state of the world.

Yes weemen if you have a big arse and feel attracted to men wearing caps its all my fault. If not then its the Devils work ya fucking leezer.

God gets easily distracted and will put a volcano on and fall asleep and forget about it or he'll be making a man and add some bits of teenage gurl on her period by mistake and before you know it you have Americans.

I took God doon to my local pub "The Broken Bottle" for a few drinks, that deity is a fuckin lightweight, Buddha can drink me under the table but Yewah is anyones after a couple of piss like Buds. He was dancing on the table asking people who wants to be a millionaire?
By the end of the night we had a cage match to the death between Mental Eddie and Crazy Rat Sammy, there were Unicorns shitting everywhere because the whole Noah's Ark thing came up, oh it turns out that it was Norah's Ark which is why it ended up on the top of Mount Ararat.

The Raslon nation that was about to nuke Sweden got wished out of existence for a bet not that you will ever remember anything about it.

After 9pm things start to get a little crazy in The Broken Bottle especially on a Saturday which is blood letting night. God ended up going home with a couple of Polish labourers.
When I call God 'He' that's just for convenience sake, I don't think humans can have a real concept of what God is and to do so is just arrogant, unless yer me of course. Those two Poles are in for a right shock.

God is probably sitting on his sofa in Heaven with a hangover and the smell of polish labourers around his belly port flicking the channels on his worlds, while we lesser Gods sit on our sofas with a hangover and the smell of Polish labourers around our cocks flicking channels on our tellys looking for sex and violence.......................just like big G who made us in his er its image but just because we look like God doesn't mean our shit don't stink.
Yes God does wear a cap.


8 comments:

M@ said...

If I met god, I'd kick him right in his (old bitter) balls!

Old Knudsen said...

How can a man with his own set advocate violence against balls ?

The Mistress said...

Does the Big G's cap smell of piss?

The Little Cheese said...

What does Jesus think about you telling his Da to get him nailed up on that cross? He must be so pissed off with you.

UBERMOUTH said...

Old Knud,
This is God. One more comment about me, saggy ass, and I am removing you from the universe.

ellie said...

If God were one of us, would he hi-jack and Ulsterbus?

FirstNations said...

i was workin on a whole 'halo-ring around uranus=planet=god' quip and i started bleeding from one ear.

Old Knudsen said...

MJ Heavenly piss.

Ms Cheese It was for his own good, it built his character.

UberGod God is a tight arse that never buys a round, I shall await removal if yer god enough.

ellie Nothing less than a city bus for him.

firstnations uranus spins on its side, ouch!