Wednesday 6 August 2008

The Mating Game

I am so fucking hot!

In the animal kingdom mates are picked not for the ability to buy rounds of drink but for health and plumage.
You pathetic mortals are just animals ................. so you are. In the golden god circles in which I move we call you jelly bags or meat sacks, no offense.

Mates (to mate with) are still picked by plumage and health in the human world and also if they have been on TV or did something remotely famous. Bragging rights, I want to shag famous film star Olivia de Havilland before she dies just so I can brag about it, shes 92 but I bet she can still buck like a mule.


She'll die with her boots on and they'll be up in the air.

Ugly fuckers like JFK or Slick Willy Wonky Clinton can get the weemen just because they were presidents. When I chat up weemen in a bar and they ask what I do for a living I say "I'm the president" it works 9 out of 10 times.


Look at my crotch bitch now suck me like I'm a big fat Cuban.

We all know what men want in a woman, they want her to be there and possibly conscious, consent is usually good too. Oh and alive some men are just so picky.

This is what men want right? to me I find their hips too narrow for good child birthing and checking out other weemen is a bad sign, yes I want you to make out with another gurl, famous last words when they find out they like it more.

Marriages based on what you can get or settling are doomed to failure, especially when fag hags marry ghey men in denial. Imagine these two having sex, do ya still have yer breakfast? its the most important meal of the day eat it again ya cunt.




I just didn't get these two, she is perfect while hes a boring dry shite. I mean how big is his dick? it must be huge for him to look so look so smug. Well they broke up too as she really wants me and she knows it.

"A man in a cap is to be lusted over" thats in the bible you know. The late Jack Sugden here used to have pussy thrown at him, well not at him launched in the air for him to shoot at, what a man. I remember when Emmerdale was called Emmerdale Farm, yep the Yank readers are totally lost.


Its more than just psychical for me I want a woman with talent.


Talent and a blog I'm sick of bimbos with nothing to say just hot firm bodied sex all the time it gets so boring.

Weemen want cock, cuddle and chocolate and to be told lies about the size of their arses and for you to appreciate them as people, silly things like that. While weemen don't get attracted to fake tits and a stench trench to poke they do get attracted to men who will treat them like shit, the wrong kind of plumage I believe, but they like everyone else must learn from their mistakes.

Willow from Buffy.

The older you get the more yer tastes change and while you were young and hot you'd not look twice at someone but now you would as age and desperation er I mean maturity kicks in yer standards change.
Even gingers have a chance with me now, as do the blind, the mentally disabled and the incontinent. Any continent really.

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14 comments:

The Mistress said...

I've been told I have birthing hips but I don't want children.

Have I done wrong by not following the path nature intended for me?

Please advise.

Oh, and I have a blog and as far as talent goes, I can still do the splits but I can't put my leg up over my head anymore whilst in a standing position...getting a bit long in the tooth for that.

And although I'm not yet incontinent, I can't go for more than an hour without having a pee.

If you can't deal with that on road trips, tell me now.

Anonymous said...

It was the muscle-bound freak that made me lose my breakfast.

Momentary Madness said...

Sex, I gave it up years ago.
Drugs are much better.

Anonymous said...

I must be getting old, I found myself agreeing with everything your fetid old breath said as you projected perfectly without lapsing into cloud cuckoo land once. The only time you let your old country down was when you said "offense" Apart from that, your rant brought a tear to my glass eye and I only paused once to fart as I perused the remainder of your soapbox spiel.

Dick Headley said...

Couple of weeks in Pattaya will work wonders. Get it off your chest Knudsen.

Bunny said...

Speaking for all incontinent mental incompentents, thank you for considering gracing us with your magic wand. Most of us aren't blind, but we aren't averse to blindfolds either.

h said...

Padma ain't perfect. She's a pagan, dumber than a stump, and swears like a Knudsen. I'd prolly still do her but she's far from perfect.

Jenny said...

I'm sorry, I'm so freaked out by that first picture that I've got nothing to say.

The Mistress said...

*enjoying the peace and quiet while Boxer is silent*

Unknown said...

I'm a Yank. And not a yank, either. And I read O. K. - but half the time I click away because I'm homophobic and his porn doesn't suit my taste, so to speak. Today's porn, for the most part, is outstanding, except for that upstanding part, but given the proximity of many naked weemens, I've forgiven him that one.

Heff said...

Wow, this was quite educational. Still glad I'm a shallow sum-bitch though.

Anonymous said...

where did you get that picture of me sitting at the computer?

Xmichra said...

sex makes you pregnant, and right about now that equls to insanity. so sex equals insanity. i prefer being saine.

Anonymous said...

Jeesas ... women constantly move around because of the need to pee.