I was in a shop the other day and they had up all of their Christmas stuff for sale. I gestured towards the 7 foot Santa and said to the guy who worked there "Whats this?" and the funny bugger said 'Father Christmas' yes you stupid cunt I know who it is I didn't think it was Cher, I'm old I'm not fucking stupid. Then I pressed my point and said, "Its only September" The lad thought for a moment and then said "Costco have theirs up" whats that? peer pressure? So if Costco jumped off a bridge who you do it then? If he replied I didn't hear it as he was busy walking away from me he was a pretty fast walker.
For fucks sake it not even Thanksgiving yet that popular yank holiday in which the Pilgrims gave beads to the Indians to see their tits and then killed them for their land, Yay religious fanatics.
They go on about not being able to worship in peace and then go elsewhere and get on like oppressors whats that you say? I'm being antisemitic ? I didn't even mention the big nosed money lenders who start all the wars . I love Jews, hairy little skinny weirdos and thats just the weemen.
I won't even mention Halloween as that is the Devil's holiday and any one who cums to my door for candy will burn in Hell, after I turn the hose on them.
I thought I would get into the spirit of Christmas early too. I didn't see any trees up for sale and besides I celebrate Christmas as decreed in the Chinese handbook of torture 1954 . The Chinks don't do Christmas to they try to fuck yers up by poisoned toys etc but the torture trees are very good.
I prefer a live tree than a fake so I went a looking for one. I saw this brown bloke at the taco place and he seemed to be speaking a foreign language. Why can't foreigners learn to speak English? the Americans sort of learned to speak it.
He had brown skin, black hair speaking gibberish ha! he must be an Al Quada terrorist cum to blow up our Martin Luther King Jr statue, well me camel raping friend the 'Storm Bringer' is on to ya.
I always carry a rape bag which contains things like rope, duct tape and lip balm and I carry it for times just like this......... ish.
I grabbed the fucker by the tacos while yelling out a binding spell in the name of St Michael the patron saint of rape bags. Oh St Michael is protestant its a long story.
The Arab did pee himself the filthy bastard, that only works for skunks and Octopusses. He kept screaming "No Senior" I prefer 'elderly gentleman' to senior and it made me mad that he was judging me by my age.
So now I have a lovely Christmas tree up I cock my service revolver now and again to keep him awake and I'll keep him up until either his needles fall off or he tells me where Obama is.
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Monday 22 September 2008
Yer Ma Is A Ho Ho Ho
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7 comments:
I just moved in to a new house. The next door neighbor has his Christmas wreath on the door along with a candle lantern. I suspect they're hanging since last year. A guess (I don't have to find out) a fucking utter nutter.
I wondered who would be the first blogger to mention Christmas early, thus annoying me.
You're off my Christmas card list.
Doesn't he pee when you water him?
All very well, but how do you know when to throw him out if he is already brown and smelling of shite?
ps.
since my whole family died at Christmas one year, I boycott the stupid thing and give out spongebob bathmats. as that is more offensive than anything.
MM The wife kicked you out again.
Mj You'll still send me a present right?
witchypoo that makes him self watering.
bollix Good point but I get bored easily and hes already in the bin.
Tachae ah young firm vulnerable Tachae I'm sorry to hear about yer family but they must have been right cunts to die at Christmas.
My Evil, very Evil, old Aunt Rosie passed Christmas Eve (always wanted to drown me the oul' bitch)
anyways, I told my Grandpa (whod had a lifelong feud going with the woman and always felt she was nasty) and he says "Just like her.. .to go and ruin our Christmas."
Then he had a heartattack 4 days later and ruined my New years.
sad sad wah wah oh well... all dogs go to heaven isnt that what they say?
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