Monday 19 January 2009

Old Knudsen On Weemen

You sinful but tasty creature my talking snake says, "swallow me apple" Hey Eve, how would you like to be the woman who invents multiple orgasms?


This post was inspired by the lovely MJ an ex Knudsen bitch.


Well known facts are:

Scottish are the most superior race in the world.
Old Knudsen is always right even when hes wrong.
Wedding rings change weemen into monsters.
Men are most desirable to the opposite sex when they are drunk.
Aliens are a homophobic manifestation insecure men have of their secret ghey side.
It is better to be a giver than a taker.
The Troll whines like a bitter retarded old woman.
Atlantis was off the coast of Scotland.
Grass is greener on the other side due to an optical illusion to do with clouds.
Men are better than weemen at 98% of all things.

Men are even better at being weemen, look at that face just ready for a money shot.

Its weemen I want to talk about. I love weemen with their curves and jelly like globes of flesh and moist inviting recesses.
Weemen are also more pleasing to gaze upon than men unless the man is me of course.


When a woman is interested in you she is most accommodating and will literally bend over backwards and swallow the gravy. As soon as you commit and its a gold ring that gets fingered not a brown one then weemen get too comfortable and their demon side cums out.

Then its all about picking up clothes, no more wiping snooters on yer trousers and not pissing on the bathroom floor the things they used to find so adorable about you.

The only cure for love is marriage

No seriously whats fer dinner? I've been workin all day.

Another thing brings out the demon side of weemen and that is their period. Do not trust something that bleeds for 5 days an does not die.


So much complaining about cramps. You know I had my eye hanging out on to my cheek , my left arm was shattered and I had 4 large musket holes in my body as I rode doon the valley of the shadow of death, no I don't mean having sex with yer Ma I mean the Crimean war and did I complain? oh no I was grateful, weemen don't know they are born.

I've been around weemen long enough to hear the period talk. Weemen talking about gushing, heavy and light flows and sticky itchy yucky goop that cums out off their stench trench.

Look at the face on her, is she thinking about stroking my lad or wall paper?

What ever happened to the dirty talk about licking yer rim as they work the pipe and can my hot friend join us?


Periods, giving birth and cervical biopsies don't look that sore so why so cranky? I believe its merely an excuse to eat chocolate.

Do I constantly talk about my anal itch? well ok thats a bad example but really when you scratch and get blood when you should be getting poop, ach you don't understand about suffering.


Is this kind of behaviour necessary?


Vadges should only be talked about in a sexy way or not at all or the wonder is gone. I believe the woes of the world are not violent video games, religious genocide or foods pumped with steroids but are caused by weemen talking about their periods and how special the women become due to the ensuing anger, "LOOK ME IN THE EYES AGAIN AND I'LL CUT YA" . No its not about you its about the va va.

Its like warm apple pie, yeah right not like mama used to make thats fer sure.


To quote the great thinker Aristotle, "Men and young boys rule and weemen drool" another great thinker Stephen Hawking may also drool but he talks like a robot which is so fucking cool. The Troll doesn't count as being a man so don't even think about using him as an example.

I encourage the thoughts of my female readers in the comments no doubt there will be lots of talk of womanly things like knitting , having babies and other delicate subjects.


Take this as constructive criticism now go fetch me a cup of tea then suck on my balls as I watch the telly, CSINSFW Miami is cuming on. I just love how realistic these crime shows are.



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19 comments:

Old Knudsen said...

I have noticed you have been calling me Knudsen lately, must be yer period.

anna said...

Mr Knudsen, I don't think marriage is the cure for love; I think its the cure for lust. Such a shame.

Romeo Morningwood said...

Naturally I had already read this article in the New England Journal Of Medicine, but I enjoyed it even more the second time.

Perhaps if more men took the time to express themselves like you have so thoughtfully done here, then an emotional bridge of understanding could be built over the emotional chasm that separates our two species.

I look forward to learning more about your keen insights and will try to use these invaluable reference points in my day-to-day encounters with weemen.

Thank You Sir.

Leah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leah said...

Damnit, my malfunctioning computer first posted, then ate, my comment twice. I don't have it in me to recreate my brilliance. Suffice it to say, I was here, I read, I commented. xo

The Mistress said...

I recognize your arse in that pic where you’re standing in front of the woman with the red bra and panties. I see you’ve Photoshopped your tattoo out of it though but you don’t fool me.

Oh sure you look good from behind but she’s found your shortcumings.

Why don’t I take a wrench to your wee man bits and twist it and then you’ll know what cramps are like. Oh wait…I’ll stab you in the nads every now and then too for the full effect. Try feeling like that for one day and you’d be running to mummy whereas I suffer with it for 5-6 days and still manage to hold down a job AND blog. Mind you I’m heavily medicated and wearing a Thermacare patch the whole time and walking around hunched over in pain like Quasimodo. Then I go and slip up and post a YouTube and even though I followed the Knudsen Nation 13thRULE: “Everytime you post a MeMe or a YouTube punch yerself in the head,” you still oust me from The Nation like a used Kleenex that I found beside your bed.

*throws back engagement ring*

MarlaSinger said...

those are some ugly ass weemens you have in your collection... but now I know your true love is Dame Edna... who could resist those glasses.

MarlaSinger said...

oh and MJ is quite correct, you have not suffered till youve had PMS. men have it SO easy.

feckin' whiny lot they are.

The Mistress said...

Touché, Tachae.

There's the few days of the rollercoaster ride of emotions that is PMS before the cramps start and you're lucky I'm mid-cycle or I'd bite yer wee lad off for posting this.

The Mistress said...

And don’t get me started on the price of feminine protection and I’m not talking about bodyguards. It should be a tax write-off. I could have financed a round trip to Killamory on what it cost me last year.

Leah said...

Oh and Nudie, what they said.

The Mistress said...

Cancel my subscription.

Carnalis said...

touched a nerve there ..

Romeo Morningwood said...

Oh YEAH!
You try wading through a waist deep rice paddy with your unconscious buddy draped over your shoulder and three bullets burning in your body while trying to manage the recoil on your machine gun as blood pours over your eyes trying to take out sixteen Charlie assassins hiding in the jungle strafing your only point of exit and some tiny fish is burrowing up your weiner!!!

OR trying to keep down that 13th beer even though your tummy is full cause you ate 3 plates of buffalo wings...


or taking out the smelly garbage..

and other stuff too!

Anonymous said...

These ... "creatures" in the last pic ... these are really humans? They both look like playgrounds for "beauty"-chirurgy. Is that Mrs. Lepore?
By the way Old K - what's the point in your scribble? Women have periods. Its just natural. They are built that way, you know?

Barlinnie said...

For once you nearly got your facts right you oul coffin dodging Proddy feck. The Scots ARE the most superior race in the world... apart from the drum banging fife blowing bluenose crowd. Not to mention those shandy drinkers who were deported to Amerikay after the "Great Missing Panties From Washing Lines" scandal of 76.

Old Knudsen said...

anna not a cure for lust while there is interweb porn.

dc I had it published in the Lancet in 1952 damn plagiarists and their plague.

leah You were probably just going to agree with me about men being so cool and all.

MJ I could never stay mad at you now pop the kettle on and send me some porn. Don't ever mention my wee bits like that again.

tachae my jizz is like putting soap into rabbits eyes hence the specs.

tachae just today I had 2 strokes a heart attack and a nasty fall into some machinery but I just laughed it all off.

mj so you still haven't found yer teeth yet, have you looked doon the sofa?

MJ King Cunte or Canute tried to stop the tide why do you weemen think you can?

leah you weemen so pointy.

MJdo it yerself

carnalis must be on her moons.

DC weemen just use us for sex and killing bugs its not on.

mago actually God gave them periods for raiding his orchard.

Just Another Faceless Commenter said...

I thought Oz from "Buffy" did an excellent job; he locked himself in cage whenever he knew he'd be getting his period... Wait, now that I think of it, that was because he changed into a werewolf every month, not because he was getting his period.

Oh well, same principle, I guess. The only difference is that theoretically, werewolves are hairier.

Then again, women on the rag are fairly hairy to deal with, too, as I see you've found out.